This one is a topic that I've thought about before, but last night was confronted with again... I myself haven't been the victim of an unfaithful heart, (not that I've known about anyways) but have seen first hand how devastating its actions can be. If I could wish away a few things from the existence of mankind, cheating would be one of those things... But I digress.
There may be some out there who defend the odd act of infidelity by classifying it as an act of necessity due to a faltering relationship, but really, that's just a cheap cop out. If it's that bad and detrimental, get out of it and then move on. It's easier to pick up the pieces when there aren't more bits of garbage continually falling on the pile. (I think I overheard that at some bus stop somewhere in Barcelona, though the translation may be off)...
I was saddened by a story I was told earlier yesterday. My friend Abdul told me about a very beautiful girl that he knew. She was a cousin of a friend of his. They had struck up a friendship over the last few years while she was living out in California. She had been dating a very rich investment banker and accepted his proposal for marriage. She did this in spite of words of caution and mild protest from Abdul, him having cited her reasons of financial stability and monetary happiness a pocket's worth of fool's gold. She did anyways and soon there after, found out that the man of her dreams had been cheating on her.
She was shattered and rightly so. She e-mailed Abdul in an attempt to reach out to someone that perhaps wasn't right in the epicentre of it all. She was hurt and confused and she reached out. He didn't return her e-mail, something that would have only taken 5 minutes. He didn't because he was in a tiff with that girl's cousin at the time. A short while later, he found out that the girl went to the top of her building and leaped to her death the day after she e-mailed him.
The telling of that story sobered me for the rest of the day. Later on after work at a post shift gathering where some people were less than sober I was confronted with the whole cheating pie again. Though it wasn't a clear serving, the aroma of it was clear enough to suggest something was baking. We have a new girl on our shift and she's young, attractive, very outgoing and married. One of the guys on our shift and her have struck a good chord and have an openly friendly relationship. Oh yeah, he's married and has 3 kids of his own.
To the naked eye, their interactions seem innocent enough, but as I've always said, you learn more about a person in the moments just after they are finished speaking or interacting with someone else. It's in those moments that any facade or hidden intention is revealed, if only for a split second... and I've noticed on more than one occasion just a little something extra lingering in the air after the two of them part company.
Last night at the end of the night when we were spinning the last story and winding it up, I caught (and this is where the above picture comes in) the two of them sitting in close proximity to each other. I thought I then saw hands crossing paths, their true destinations hidden under the horizon of falling table cloth. I would like to think that it was perhaps an alcoholic vision, but a millisecond "shit, I hope he doesn't see it" look from her pretty much confirmed it. I still wanted to think I was crazy but I had what I thought I saw confirmed by another co-worker who told me he had seen it as well and got a confirming nod from another one of our platoon mates to seal the debate.
I borrow this thought from Cosmo; Is emotional cheating just as bad or worse than actual act of having sexual relations with someone other than your significant other?
2 comments:
I think emotional cheating can be just as devastating to a relationship - but I also think in some ways, it's easier to get over as a couple (if both decide to do so). There's something about the image of your partner being physical with someone else that is just hideous - and no matter what inroads you make in your own relationship, it's hard to let that go.
I cheated once, for the very cop-out reason you mentioned, and it was the absolute worse thing I have ever done. I was stuck in a relationship I couldn't sort my way out of - and I gave in to a random make out because it offered the simplicity that my relationship didn't. It took me months to come clean - and over those months I was literally racked with guilt. I will say this - no one is above it, I don't care what people say. I do know I would never do it again, knowing full well the consequences!
This is something I have thought a lot about. I've never cheated on anyone (unless a remorse-inducing kiss at age 19 counts?) but I have been cheated on, and let me tell you, an attempted cheat is bad, as is an actual cheat. I think a meaningless fling would be less wrenching than another relationship, but it sucks nonetheless.
I've discussed this with several people and the argument for 'cheating' is that we are not monogomous by nature (which I think is bullshit rationalization) and that you shouldn't have to stifle an intense attraction. I think if the commitment to someone is strong enough, resisting that isn't so difficult.
Reasons to cheat? Who the hell cares, I say. Insecurity is a biggie, in one's own attractiveness or a relationship, as is the reason you mentioned. But is fucking another person really a good reaction to a cooling of passions or other problems in a relationship? I don't know. I mean, sometimes things are over and it's time to let go, but cheating doesn't help. I don't know, I just don't think it's that difficult to resist. Just don't do it, you know?
But, regarding the married w/kids cheaters, I imagine leaving would be SO much harder when you have that kind of tie to someone.
That story about your friend is really awful.
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