So you've gotta love it when you try to move on from a person, an event or both when you come across something that brings you right back into what you've been trying to move on from. Case in point, this past Thursday, I was out with the folks from work enjoying a much needed end of shift soiree. More than a few pints were put back and the jovial state was not confined to my being.
At the end of the night, we were saying our goodbye and goodnights when I saw someone crossing the road that looked very familiar to me. Turns out he was my ex's roommate's ex boyfriend. Ok, you caught up there? We always got on well so it was only natural to sit down and have a drink with him. I knew he was still in contact with his ex, who is traveling with my ex down in Australia so I tried for a while not to talk about her. I figure that I've spent enough of the last year thinking about her that I didn't need to dwell anymore.
As it turns out, the conversation inevitably turned to Jeannie (mine) and Lauren (his). He asked if I had spoken to Jeannie at all and I told him that I had a few weeks ago, but beyond that not that much at all. I explained that after we broke up we'd kept the conversations light hearted and civil, but limited and that I hadn't even seen her since the night we broke up. Just let her go and not be up in her face with it all. Hard but right thing to do, you know... It's not to say that I didn't think about or want to talk to her, but anyway...
Without much preparation, or warning, Dave let drop that she'd started seeing another guy after she and I had broken up. Let me go back a few and just say that Dave is of the very cool dude variety; think surfer or Michelangelo from TMNT. So when he said, "Yeah Jeannie started seeing another guy named Mike (something or another) eh? You were totally the rebound guy.", it knocked me back a few.
I wasn't completely mad at him for doing so. He meant no harm by it but needless to say it caught me rather off guard. It was something that I realized was a possibility, but I took her on her word for her reasons for breaking up: not wanting the commitment when she went on her travels, and not knowing if she'd be in the same city as me to live or work before she left. I just thought it might have taken a while longer than it did. So hearing that she’d started seeing a friend of his made me feel just a little stupid and insignificant. I knew the possibility existed and I even had my suspicions at some points, but I didn’t really want to accept it.
That moment was brief though, and I quickly put it to the back of my mind. I am going about things these days with a new approach and attitude and there isn’t much time allotted to wallowing in self-pity. After all, what right did I have to expect her to stay single at least until she left? Any and all reasons would be personal and selfish, the designs of which would have only been for the preservation of a bruised ego and broken heart. I guess it’s something I’ll deal with down the road, but by then who knows, there may not be anything I’ll remember to deal with.
7 comments:
Wow can I ever relate to this. Trust me when I say that down the road you won't even remember why you the wind was knocked out of you. You seem like such a fantastic guy (I swear I'm not trying to pull what I wrote on my post!) ... and well you know ... I won't say it because I don't want to be a hypocrite (but then again I'm single so I guess I don't count) ... you will make a girl very happy one day! There I said it.
I know that feeling well too. But something I've been working on is not worrying so much about the other person. I mean, you know how you felt, so how she felt shouldn't matter, right? (Um, yeah, when I say I've been working on it...)
And that was pretty insensitive of him to say. "You were totally the rebound guy?" wtf? Maybe he was trying to make light of it and show you that you were too good for her? Punk.
The excuse that ur ex gave you was something that I gave my ex several years ago -- that I wanted freedom and detachment whilst I pursue my travels and career. However, I wasn't banking on the fact that he'd find someone else so quickly. So I know how you feel. The state of being taken aback over something that you knew would come eventually. It sucks, doesn't it? I'm sorry, bro... but it's bound to get better.
WTF! That really shakes up the brine in my pickle jar! I'll contact you with more prejudiced invective than it seems fair to muster here... GRrrrrRRrrrr...
Oh man...I can totally relate to that...I get like a whole body nausea...like my body is angry and humiliated and it doesn't know what it wants to do first.
I'm trying out a new mantra this year...it's sort of had a calming effect in times of whole body nausea - you cannot control other people and their actions, only yourself, your actions, and how you respond to the actions of others.
Ai ya...people suck.
It's always hard when one person moves on quicker than you. Lets hope this helps you to put it all behind you and move forward.
Airam, I thought you said you weren’t going to say it… Gah, you see, you can’t believe what a girl tells you. : P In all honesty though, it is a compliment and it can only be taken as such, so thank you. I’ll be the bigger person and not give you the like compliment. : )
Eve, I hear what you’re saying and I believe in it too. It’s just hard to know or even feel that you may have felt so strong about someone in your own heart only to find out down the line that you may not have mattered that much to them. Strangely, that’s what I started telling myself so as to help myself move on. I don’t think he was trying to put me down or anything, it was just the dude in him speaking.
Princess, Thanks for dropping by. I can’t help but think and move on with the hope that it will get better. It sure as hell won’t if I just mope about it for ever and a day. ( That was most of last year. Ha ha ha ) You live and you learn and just pray that one day your roll of the dice comes up roses.
S’mat, Yes, we will talk soon. Btw, did you get my g-mail? Save the anger duder, positive energy here. : )
Lin-zed, You’re alive!!! : P Sorry about the ‘Nucks. I wanted them to win too. Yeah, I haven’t felt as put off as I was when I heard those words out of his mouth. I used to defend her for her reasoning, but I can’t worry about that anymore. I am just concerned about my end. I know I treated her well and in the end, she didn’t want it then and there. How I’ve responded so far... Get fit, admit my faults and mistakes from last year, have some more positive energy about me and just enjoy my days as they come. So far so good I’d say.
Steph, Yeah I figured she would, but just not that soon. It’s not for me to understand her heart or head as it stands now. Then again, any man that tries to figure both of those from a woman out at the same time is doomed anyways so best leave that be. I am doing the moving forward thing and so far so good. I just have that thought of how it might be if and when I ever see her again. At the mo, I don’t know if she knows I know, if you know what I mean. Ha ha.
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