Banana Peeled

Lost And Found

2008-07-21T05:00:00.000-05:00

Hey all, or those of you who still check for a pulse from this space. It's with some contempt (for self) and obligation (to self) that I get re-established in this franchise. It's like leaving someone or something good for no good reason other than cowardice and then being too afraid to look behind at what's left.

Eventually enough time goes by or enough things happen that you just want to tell someone or anyone that will give you enough time and listen. I've been to lots of places that must be cobble stones to the doorstep of Hell but then again I was never that good at following the beaten path so I didn't manage to dance with El Diablo and I'm still waiting to see what tricks the Magic Man has up his sleeves before I slip off those shoes.

Having the load of life/shit that was dumped on and swam in by yours truly at the beginning of the year sure made it hard to see clearly what was in front of me. Surviving was living and that kinda living makes waving the white flag an appealing option. When you're tired of it all, enough so that you pretty much fall asleep at your boss' desk as he's dressing you down, it seems the way to go. Problem is though, when there's that much of __it flowing, there ain't much that stays clean and I needed something to wipe the windshield so flag option was out.

Everything seemed far away and the only things that seemed close weren't friends, relatives or hope. It was during those times when I understood how people who chose not to stay the course could fall prey to the grips of the drugs and drinks. Fortunately I'm Chinese and I have an inborn allergy to some (all) alcoholic products so that option was automatically ruled out for me. As for the other option, I've seen enough of what little substance is left after the substances have passed their course that I left that sleeping dog lie.

I wanted someone to reach out to me and pick me up to tell me things would be ok and know it to be true. I needed something tangible in front of me, something I could count on every time when I wanted it. I was needy. I was selfish. As such, I was left with arms wide open, clutching at anything and everything forgetting to raise the proverbial umbrella only to drown a little further when I lifted my head to curse into the downpour. I've never been one to not "be there" and the times when I needed a fraction returned I grew accustomed to disappointment to the point when surprise greeted a connected call.

Left wanting, I sought the company of quantity as clearly quality was something I found to be beyond me. Who and what I needed wasn't there or just not able to help. Misery shackles you with interesting bed fellows both figuratively and literally and the final disconnect between the physical and the emotion/factu/actu/sexu/spiritu/al had me a step away from being the furthest from who and I what I considered to be "me" I'd ever been. When it gets to the point where the things you love doing and experiencing don't matter, there's something seriously wrong.

As previously mentioned, somewhere between here and Hell I got lost. I can't really remember where it was that happened, I can only say that it did. It started with wanting to get back to writing in an act of re-connecting, but with what I wasn't too sure of at the time so I didn't. The thought was there so I let that count for something. Fools credit, but I had to get it from somewhere.

As it should be for everyone out there, but unfortunately isn't always the case, my redemption started with my family. I've gone on about them before and how much they mean to me and how great they are both individually and even more so as a whole. In their own ways they sunk a few hooks in, here and there, and carried about their unusual awesomeness. Eventually the tides began to recede and I was held far enough out of the undertow to get a foot hold.

We're not always a touchy, feely bunch but we know how to get it done when we need to. I guess if there's ever a group of people you don't want to give up on you, it'd be anyone in my family. Yes, I know there's a certain degree of personal bias there but trust me it only takes us once and we'll have you signed up. Yeah, there are times when we want to kill each other and we each think the others are useless twits but when the time comes we know where to turn.

There's a lot that's happened since my feet were planted again and I look forward to processing much of what has transpired. Hopefully there's still an audience to read about it when those times come.

So if you see any of these faces looking at you and you're wondering what the hell it is we're looking at, we're probably laughing at something but ready for anything.

Say Hi To My New Lady

2008-02-29T12:30:00.000-05:00

Hi folks, been away again for a much needed mental and spiritual break by the Gulf of Mexico down in Florida but am back now. So here we are, and I have opened my heart to a new leading lady. As it was with Jade I'm in need of help for a name for her... Any and all help is appreciated.

New Luck In A New Year?

2008-02-07T01:00:00.000-05:00

So As the Chinese New Year nears for some of you and is already upon the others, I rejoin the ranks of the blogging. I'm hoping that this new year of my ancestral heritage brings about a complete reversal of fortunes brought in with the new year of my adopted heritage. Let's think of it as a do over, the release of version 2.0 to make us forget that V1 ever happened.

As some of you may have or may not have noticed, I've been absent from this and all of your pages for some time. In the past, I've just been plum lazy or have been on trips where I've met up with some of you, and this time, I dearly wish that it could have been for one of those reasons... There's been bad luck and then there's been the type of shit show that's been my life for the last month. If it weren't for a trip to NY to visit with Eve and S'Mat I think I may have punched a ticket to be Britney's suitemate in Beverly Hills' Loonie Lodge.

This is by no means a sympathy plea, more so a tainted blood letting... It started about a month ago with a very nasty rumor going around my work place that I was one of the people that had for lack of better terms been falsely submitting statistics to boost my performance numbers. Now I know I had done nothing wrong, but it sucked having people from different shifts talking behind my back and hearing all the crazy versions of the stories being circulated when people were respectful enough to talk to me face to face about it. It was always fun for me to go into work, but now I was beginning to dread it. That episode came to a head when one of the top bosses came in and addressed my unit and said jobs were on the line if the investigation into the matter turned anything up... Great. A big scare tactic to motivate the troops...

That had been nagging me for a while so a road trip to New York seemed to be the perfect solution. It was fantastic and I'll write about it later. Upon my return, it got worse, much worse. The very first day of the new work week saw an innocent man shot and killed by rival gun-toting ass clowns who fired at each other with no regard for the lives around them, including that of their victim, Mr. Mao. I was the first to arrive on scene and had the very sad experience of having him take his last breath in my hands. Let me just say that it isn't anything like what you see on T.V. or film. There were also a pile of things that went wrong afterwards that drew a lot of criticism for those of us that were involved... It was the second innocent murder victim in less than a week for the city and this one stung. Mr. Mao was stacking oranges at a fruit stand and was working that evening as a favor to his boss as he had quit his post a few days previous...

So after a 17 hour work day and a short sleep, I was not exactly in the mood or frame of mind to get back to the job. I guess fate was reading my mind and took care of that for me. Let this be a lesson to you all to never help your mothers... My mother had returned home with bags of salt for the water treatment system in the house. The filter is in the furnace room of the house and as I brought one of the bags down, I noticed that it had sprung a leak at the bottom. I decided that it would be best to hoist it up to the opening of the system and just let the salt out from the cut in the bag. I hoisted it up but I didn't notice the pane of broken stained glass leaning to the immediate side of the system. I noticed it as I let the bag down. I think my exact words were, "OOOH, wow, big cut, big cut. That's no good!!!". A little bit of a bloody mess here, a trip to the hospital and three stitches there and voila, a day off work. Just what I did and didn't need to deal with the previous day's events. Just when that day couldn't get worse, my mother dropped my camera and thankfully only managed to break a lens filter. Though not the actual lens, it's now $60 I don't have.

The next few days saw some of the fall out from the homicide still sifting through the air, choking a few collars tight and fraying collective nerves altogether. As that settled we were all devastated with the news that one of our workmates had taken his own life over the weekend. There is never a good time to receive news like that, but this really stung. He was always such a pleasant person and you could always count on him to have a smile on his face and to try and put one on yours. "Hi handsome" was the trademark greeting and it's not easy turning corners in the building and not hearing that anymore. The viewing and funeral came at the end of the week and that was not an easy time either. The support in numbers that showed up for the funeral speaks to the impression he made but also to the true sense of family that comes in my line of work.

I'd love to say that was the end of it, but alas... We've recently been made to wear name tags on our clothing to make us more accessible and approachable or something like that... One night before our meeting, my partner and I switched our tags, but that move went un-noticed and we failed to get the laugh we'd set out for. We forgot about it and went about the night. At the end of the shift, another supervisor at the station noticed and got right upset about it all and threw a tizzy. He gave us shit and said he was doing us a favor by addressing the matter. So much of a favor that he had us write letters to the top boss explaining our actions... Seriously of all the things to get mad at... Having that fresh on my plate, I then proceeded to go home just to get into an accident 8 houses away from my front door... My beautiful baby isn't so beautiful right now, but she must have movie star blood in her because a little cosmetic work and she'll be back at it in short order.

To wrap it all off, a close relative on my father's side succumbed to his batter with cancer this past week and we had the funeral for him yesterday. It's never easy even with the knowledge of his illness in our back pockets going into it. So that in a conch shell has been the state of affairs that constitute my life for the past few weeks.

Now I know a lot of people in my position would have taken a dive off a spring board into an empty pool by now, but somehow I'm still plodding ahead with my head up. I don't why or how I've managed to keep at it, but I'm thankful that I have. I smiled today and I actually stopped to enjoy the moment. I was walking along in a near blinding snow storm on my way to my grandparents when it happened. I was listening to "Welcome To The Black Parade" while the wall of white enveloped me. I stopped and just let it all hit me. The song changed to a Metallica cover of "Whiskey In The Jar" and it might as well have been "Ride The Lightning" as I was stunned by a wave of blue. I thought it was a powerful camera flash, but the accompanying clap of thunder sounded otherwise... A winter thunder snow storm. I loves me a good snow fall and thunder storms are funtastic in general so having both at once was cause for a small celebration.

Hey, baby steps still get you to where you're going.

Bad Day

2008-01-25T20:00:00.000-05:00

I know that I've been A.W.O.L. again but there's been a lot come up in my life, none of which has been good, so I'll be back someday... In the mean time, take a moment and enjoy this on me.

I'll Play You For It

2007-12-28T21:30:00.000-05:00

Christmas is a time for all of us to enjoy friends and family, to put aside everything that is going on in our busy lives to busy ourselves with festivity and generosity. This isn't some half baked fluffy statement, it's something I believe so stuff anyone out there who thinks it's a load, you're free to eat a load. Now that was in the spirit of the season now wasn't it?

I avoided the shopping malls for the most part because I can't stand to see the ugly side of Christmas. I don't mean the commercialization of it, but the frayed nerves, short tempers, snotty shoppers and the parking lot buzzards. To me it's all about the family, spreading good will and embracing a little peace among man. Don't get me wrong peace with women is great too.

Given all the shittiness out there, it warmed the old lump of coal in the chest to read about a story from the battle front in France during the first world war. The English and German soldiers were at a deadlock in ground battle on Christmas Eve when they decided to put their weapons down for one day. They came out of the foxholes and embraced each other as brothers, not in arms, but humanity. They played a game of soccer, sang carols, shared meal and drink and posed for pictures. Never mind the fact that once Christmas was over, the recommenced blowing the shit out of each other... The spirit of the story remains.

That story stuck with me and the other night, my partner and I went about making peace with a few of our regular customers. We had been on a detail at the local residence for society's miscreants when we came about a large spread of Christmas turkey with some of the traditional fixings. We were offered a meal and who were we to turn down a turkey dinner? After finishing up, we asked if we could take some turkey back for some of the other guys, with the intention of actually distributing it out on the streets. The guardsmen said to fill our plates since all of the extra was just going to find its way into the bins.

So with 2 plates with about 8 pounds of turkey, another plateful of fruit cake and a cup of apple sauce, we were off. What a sight I must have been, piles of turkey on one side, fruit cake in my lap, and a bag of contraband on the other side riding along trying not to mess myself up. Our first encounter was with one of our local street ladies. She didn't seem to be high on anything so we stopped and waved her over. She had a smile on her face as she skipped over to the car. They know the routine when we stop and talk so she made nice. We asked her how she was and she said she was fine. We then asked her if she'd eaten lately and she told us that she hadn't and was starving. We figured she might like a plate of turkey and asked her if she'd like one. I couldn't blame her for not really believing us but when she saw we were serious she was over the moon. So off she went with the biggest smile on her face and off we went to find our next unsuspecting target.

We stopped off at the 7-11 and immediately saw the perfect candidate for the fruit cake. He was kinda squirrelly looking and had a full length, cruddy grey down coat on. He didn't seem like he was giving the clerks a hard time so when he came out, we talked to him. He said to me, "Hey you've got to help me". I asked him with what and he explained that he needed to find a shelter for the night. I asked him if he was hungry and if he'd eaten lately. He told me that he hadn't. I asked him if he'd want a big plate of fruit cake and he emphatically said, "OH YEAH!" Now this plate must have weighed 2 or 3 pounds and I didn't feel like carrying any of it with me so I gave him the whole thing. This is how the rest of the conversation went:

"WHOA Thanks man!!! But you've still got to help me find a shelter."

"Sorry, I can't do that right now, I've got to take care of this."
*holds up bag of aforementioned goodies*

"Can't you go to Seaton House for the night?"

"Nope, they don't like me there, I've got a bowel problem and they say I stink up the place."

"Whoa, you've got a bowel problem and you're going to eat that whole plate of fruit cake?!?! Dude you're going to shit yourself!"

"Uh... Yup, probably. Heh heh."

"Umm ok man, just make sure you get your pants down first when that happens."

"Ok thanks guys."

After giving a couple of slices of turkey to the folks at the front desk, we still had a 4 pound plate of turkey still to give out so off we went. We scoured the streets and found our last (un)lucky mumbly (affectionate slang for street folks). We spotted him in a coffee shop as he was just sitting down to a fresh cup. I pointed at him from the other side of the glass and motioned for him to come over to the car. He was uncertain at first but when I pointed him out again, he came out. The "normal" looking customers in the shop started to look at me like I was some sort of asshole on a power trip for abusing this guy.

He came out and came up to the car. The same routine came about where I asked him how he was and if he'd had a good Christmas so far and if he'd eaten his Christmas dinner yet. He replied that he was ok, but he hadn't eaten any dinner for days now and was starved. *Perfect* I asked him if he'd want a 4 pound plate of turkey to fix that problem. His answer was predictable and this was the exchange as it happened:

"Sure I would, but you're kidding right?"

"Nope. I'm serious, I've got a 4 pound plate of turkey for you, but you'll have to play me in Rock, Paper Scissors for it. Best 2 out of 3. You win and you get a 4 pound plate of turkey."

"Oh, I don't really know how to play that though."

*blink blink*
"What do you mean you don't know how to play!?!?! Everyone knows how to play R.P.S.!"

"My kids know how to play, but I'm not very good, I lose all the time."

Now I'm getting pretty animated with my hands and the people inside the coffee shop I'm a complete asshole for looking like I'm yelling at him.

"Well, ok, just try and see how you do."

"Ok"

Round 1: Me, Rock - Him, Scissors. "Aww damn..." "Hey don't walk away it's 2 out of 3."

Round 2: Me, Scissors - Him, Scissors. *I think I know why he loses all the time...*

*pedestrian walking by is utterly confused with what he sees and hears going on before him*

Round 3: Me, Paper - Him, Scissors. "All right!"

Round 4: Me, Paper - Him, Scissors. " Woo Hoo! Where's that plate?" "Here you go buddy." "Thanks man!"

As we drove off, I could see him walking back into the coffee shop and the other customers asking him what I'd been harassing him about and then he smiled and pointed at his mound of food and said, "IT'S TURKEY!!!"

Gobble gobble everybody. Hope your Christmas and other holidays were enjoyable and if you made it to the end of this post, good for you, you get a big star beside your name in my books.

Oh No You Didn't...

2007-12-16T13:00:00.000-05:00

Me, aka: Jim, J, Jamie

Sister, aka: Ali, Nos, Alison, Snos, Snosage

Brother, aka: Jeff, Yerf, Jeffery, Beefy, Boom Boom, Beefy Boom Boom Buffet

Mom, aka: Moo, Amber

Step-Dad, aka: Joseph

* * * * *

Me: Man that thing is huge!

Sister: You mean as big as *points at Jeff's ass*

Me: Ha ha ha ha ha, yeah, well, maybe not.

Jeff: Shut up, I know you two are talking about me. My ass isn't that big.

Sister: Yes it is.

All: Ha ha ha.

* * * * *

Me: So how are we supposed to cook these things, just put a little oil on the pan and go from there?

Mom: Yeah, oh well, I guess just trial and error.

Me: Hmmm, Mike is coming over to watch the Leaf game, can I feed him the first one?

Mom: Ummm, sure *big smile*

* * * * *

Step Dad: AH!!! The Cowboys and Packers are playing on Thursday!

Me: Yeah? What's the problem?

Step Dad: I'm going to have to miss it.

Me: Why, what else would you be doing at that time?

Step Dad: I promised some friends that I would go watch their son's concert or something like that.

Me: Is there anyway you can get out of it?

Step Dad: I don't know maybe I could tell them I broke my leg or something, I really don't want to go but they came to our event, but really bah.

* * * * *

Me: How do you like this new shirt?

Brother: Quite frankly, I just don't give a fuck. *turns and walks away laughing*

* * * * *

Family: *eating lunch*

Mom: *way out of left field* BRITNEY SPEARS IS ADOPTING CHILDREN!!!

Sister: WHAT?!?! Where do you get your info?

Mom: 680 News

* * * * *

Sister: Oh Suri's really cute...

Me: Yeah, she is, who is that one there?

Sister: That's Shiloh, Brad and Angelina's kid.

Me: Ah, (next page) who is that one, she's cute too.

Sister: That's Shiloh too, of course she's cute, she's got Angelina and Brad as parents.

Mom: Let me see, oh, she's not cute at all, she's got such a big forehead!

Sister: Yeah, well look at Jeff.

Mom: Well, Jeff's a good looking boy.... Now.

Me and sis: HA HA HA HA HA HA HA

* * * * *

Mom: Ali, do you want a cupcake?

Sister: Ok

Mom: Do you want one?

Me: No, it's ok, Boom Boom can have one when he gets home.

Mom: No! Boom Boom isn't allowed to eat it!

Sister: Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha.

Mom: What are you laughing at? I don't even know who Boom Boom is...

Me and Sister: LIAR!!!

2007-12-09T22:30:00.000-05:00

Well there are certainly times of the year when we have to take pause and reflect on some of the other things going on in the world other than what we see and take at face value to be normal. Case in point, I just turned 28 yet I was again told by one of my co-workers that even though I looked like I could be in college, that it wasn't ok to go about dating college girls and in addition to that, I acted like I was 6 years old... To those who know me, they could very well agree that I don't always act my age and that the world is a little sugar coated place in my childish eyes.

Now I am not about to disagree whole heartedly with what some of those folks are saying, because c'mon... I am a bit of an asshat at times, and I know that I ought to act a bit more my age as the number associated with that word increases, but perhaps there is something to acting a younger age or at least seeing the world non-judgingly as kids do; no difference to colour, taking a person's word and intentions to be honest and seeing the good in people no matter their appearance.

At work, I run into all types who leave lasting impressions on me: the drunken club girls who shamelessly and in some cases bralessly and pantylessly advance on the uniform, the "emotionally disturbed" who also sometimes offer themselves, but that's a vomit inducing story for another time, the self righteous arse plugs who believe they're entitled to everything and find every single thing wrong with us until they need us, the crack heads / hos who sprinkle our streets with their own brand of delightfulness. Then there are those who look the part of someone who, if not for downward gazes at the ends of our noses, we'd never pay attention to.

You know the type, they occupy the spaces outside shops, drug stores and banks. We often don't bother with any sort of interaction asides from dropping change into a cup or saying sorry, most times not even that and walking on. Now granted most of these types are as useful as the grease on a burnt out pan, but like Asian drivers, if you look long and hard enough, you'll find the odd good one among the lot. If you take some more time to listen you may even find out that they have a story and sometimes it's a story that can change you or at least the way you look at things.

Andrew is one of our locals, we have a run of the mill exchange that goes on between us whenever we stop and talk to him. The routine goes as such, we take his name and tell him to move on, and sometimes he gets a citation or two for his efforts. Unlike some of the others we deal with, he goes about it with us all the time with a genuine smile and he holds no malice towards us at all. After each encounter, it's a "have a good day sir" and a "take care of yourself Andrew" and off all of us go about our ways.

We're all "busy" to a degree with our lives and the rigors of the work day, to the point where as soon as we are done with one thing, we move right on to the next without any pause. So caught up are we that we pass things by more so than the world passes us by. One day some point back, I picked up the habit of asking some of these folks where they were spending the night or how things were on the streets just as a manner of making conversation on some level other than a "professional" one. It was after doing that with him that I got to hear Andrew's story.

He's a survivor and he's had one fight after another on his hands for as long as he can remember. He'd worked odd and end jobs here and there and hadn't been afforded a stable family or surroundings as he grew up. Along the way, he had his episodes with drugs and less amicable relations with my employment agency. He'd also contracted Hep C along with H.I.V. to tie it all together with a fancy pink ribbon. I found most of this out one day when I just put everything aside and just sat and talked with him for a while.

It was amazing to me to hear from him that he wasn't angry at anyone or anything in the world. He had made his peace with everything and I was at a mild loss as to how it was all possible. He went on to explain that he was told a few years ago that he'd be dead by a couple of years ago and yet here he was still alive. He went on to tell me that he'd also beaten Hep C and that the doctors were at complete loss as to explain how it was no longer even in his system and not registering on his blood tests. As he figured, he was on borrowed time and was going to do the best with what he had after all, he was a dead man walking.

He keeps himself going by selling the odd news paper and by the generosity of passers by who drop off food to him. He realizes that he's not going to be working in a bank anytime soon, but as he says each time, he's doing the best he can. The last time I saw him the other day, I asked him where he was staying as old man winter had decided to pay an earlier visit to town and the weather wasn't exactly conducive to comfortable outdoor living. I was more than a little shocked when he told me that he had a place of his own and even showed me the key to his apartment.

He went on to explain that he saved enough money throughout the course of the summer to put down $600 to secure a place. He'd gone to one of the local community centres and had, through a worker, set up a place where he could leave whatever money he made throughout the day without any worry about losing or being robbed of his money. It was nice to see the pride he had on his face and the genuine smile he had when he told me about it. I kinda got the feeling that he'd been waiting for some time to pull out that key and show it off to one of us and I really hope the look and happiness I had on my face for him was what he had in mind.

Early happy holiday wishes everybody.

How Could You Tell?

2007-11-30T02:45:00.000-05:00

I guess I should give up my poker career before it begins or I'll lose the shirt off my back. You know the feeling we all sometimes have where we think we're completely in control of our goings on and things are just as we will them to be; we give off the vibe, walk with the swagger that nothing can send our ship listing... Well apparently, I do that as well as I can run a sprint in stilettos. (and no, for the record, I can't do that... seriously)

The other day, I was in therapy, no not that kind, for a strained groin muscle, and no not that kind either... My main therapist Dana had put me through some painful trigger point muscle releases (ok, I can see where you people can get thrown off now) when the time came for her to tend to her next clien err patient leaving me yet to receive my ultrasound treatment. A second year student was sitting around watching and learning and Dana asked Emily if she wouldn't mind doing my ultrasound and she said yes.

At this point, I was lying flat on my back while the sonic gel was applied above the injured area. Let's just get it out there that yes, it was very high up the leg and anyone looking from her back and seeing the back and forth motion could assume the sexual best for me, but alas... We chatted to pass the time, eventually she got to asking about my oft injured shoulder which can only be described as being akin to Mel Gibson's in all the Lethal Weapon movies. She asked when I would be getting the reconstructive surgery on it and I replied when I found a good girl to take care of me afterwards. She let out in response, "I could do with a good guy to take care of me".

Totally un-related, I'm listening to the Killers cover of Dire Straight's Romeo and Juliet right now, it's so good.

I don't know if it was a case of thinking out loud or whatever, but it piqued the interest level a touch. Now I thought to myself, hmmm, maybe she's single, but a cute girl like that with personality not dating someone... Seemed plausible, but then there was the second thought, she's got a guy already and he's a knuckle dragging, douche bag and she's looking for a change... In either case we carried on and I can honestly say it was effortless and enjoyable.

It was only after that I'd gotten vertical did I realize she was much more woman than I could appreciate from my back, a whole 3 inches or so more... I've had to look up to a lot of people in my life and I did so with no issue in this case. I noticed she had nice greenish brown eyes that she framed up very well in her stylish glasses and hey, I've always been a sucker for nice eyes. I didn't care much to leave the clinic after I was finished up with my treatment and we chatted a little bit more with her roommate who also happens to be one of the program supervisors (a potential obstacle).

I eventually made my way home and after settling in for a game of Scrabulous, I got a phone call from a girlfriend of mine. We were talking for a bit, catching up on the goings on of the day and her less than involved relationship that sadly is making it's last laps around the bowl. Eventually I made mention that I'd met a girl and instantly she declared, "A HA!!! I knew it!" I was puzzled and asked what she meant. She went on to explain that she knew something good had happened to me because she could hear it in my voice. I didn't think I had any different tone than the usual so I was caught off guard for being caught out.

Never one to stay bashful for long I tried to play it off but no dice, she was all over me for details. I was sorry to say that there weren't too many but it didn't stop her excitement for me. Who knows what will come of it, but at the very least there's no harm in asking as she and some of the other members of my booster club have suggested.

Excuse Me, You're Calling From Where???

2007-11-21T09:55:00.000-05:00

So I was sitting at home a week and a bit ago watching my brother play Guitar Hero 3 when I noticed that I had missed a call on the cell. After watching him successfully rock out to another 5 star video performance, I went about listening to the message and it went a little something like this:

"Hi James, this is Olivera from Max Agency, you met one of our scouts during the Jazz Festival down in the Beaches and I was calling to set up an appointment for you to come in and meet with us. Give me a call at 416..........."

Wait, what the hell did I just hear? I wasn't quite sure I heard that right above the Guitar Hero so I played it again and yeah, it would appear as though I had received call from a modeling agency... I blinked a few times and thought to myself, where in the hell she would have gotten my phone num... !!! I shook my fist as I realized exactly who had given my phone number out...

I'd only been working with two other guys that whole weekend so it was a simple process of elimination. I called Jeremy and asked him if he'd ever heard of a Max Modeling Agency. I heard him chuckle on the other end of the line, instantly confirming my suspicion. He could only say, "I may have been around when the talent scouts were around but I can't really say how your information got passed on to them". I told him that he didn't have to explain and that I had a pretty good idea of who had given my info out.

So I sat there and thought to myself, why in the hell would he have done that? Then the obvious answer came, "because you're so fun and easy to have a laugh with (at)". *D'uh* The next question I asked myself was, what the hell are you going to do about it? So I consulted with the girlfriends and the overwhelming response was "go for it". So I thought to myself, why the hell not? What's the worst that can come of this, I get told I'm not what a modeling agency was looking for? Hell, I could have told you that before having to be asked. : P

So I called and set up an appointment for this past Monday. I was told to dress somewhat professionally, meaning no jeans or sneakers. I figured I'd do it up and wear my new shirt I that I'd bought on a spur of the moment fashion upgrade shopping trip with my friend Niki. Hell, if ever a time to show off, or at least make light of, an attempt at fashion, this was it. So I showed up for my 1230 appointment looking as dapper as I could for mid day. I figured the meeting would only take half an hour at most and I would have more than enough time to get to a far more pressing engagement, a hockey game at 1400 vs a rival station.

I arrived in the office and was greeted by a smartly dressed dude who was obviously but not flagrantly gay. He was nice and took note of the fact that I had arrived. I sat down in the office and made note of the fish tank behind the receptionist's desk. I thought there was a toy crocodile or alligator floating in the middle of it, but upon closer inspection, I found it to be real. Couple that with the odd cinematic gladiator style symphony orchestral music, it was just a touch odd, but not altogether unsettling, I began putting everything into Zoolander perspective.

Shortly after my arrival, the guy behind the desk was replaced by the actual receptionist. She had a pretty face and wore smart, and very bum friendly black dress pants and a very flattering dark apple green top which complimented her natural features. I thought, hey now, things are picking up a bit. She made little attempt to acknowledge my presence. I figured, hell she sees so many "beautiful" people coming in through the doors, what was another face to her? I was the only person in the office at the time so I settled into a 2003 issue of Men's Health.

After a short while, this pompous looking tit walked in followed by a larger, solely due to girth, tit who I assumed was his agent. Small tit had a very high forehead. Think mine but twice as high. He had long, bottom of the ear length hair which he had slicked back. He wore a tarty little green zip up and annoying slim, TAPERED, and I'm assuming $200 designer jeans with some silly criss-cross pattern on the back of the legs. His shoes were of the pointed variety which made me, for the few seconds I looked at them, want to use them to stab him in his beady eyes.

When the receptionist asked for his name, he bladed his body to the right as if at the end of a "dear God please one day land me on this" catwalk, turned his head ever so slightly to the left and said in some bastardized mutation of an English or Australian accent "Dipsy McLightLoafers", or something close to that. I couldn't help but let my left brow arch up in absolute bemusement. I quickly retreated to the mag lest he see my utter contempt. It was at this point too that I noticed what appeared to be an dirt spot on the face of the receptionist. I just found it a touch odd that said spot just happened to follow an outline of a 'stache... I knew at this point, I had a blog post coming.

As I sat and waited for my turn, a middle aged woman who was almost as snazzily dressed as yours truly walked in and took a seat almost directly across from me. She checked in and sat down and proceeded to ignore everything else, so I did likewise to her. Shortly after Ms. Middleagenoring, a younger teen girl with a little punky look to her arrived with her very middle class very white mom and her older sister who spoke with ZERO tonal or volume control. I couldn't happen but notice the troupe was quickly being filled and the big top would be in full swing very shortly.

As the latest additions to the gong show sat down, I couldn't help but notice the older sister. It quickly dawned on me that there was a Ben Stiller theme to this office as she reminded me more of Warren from "There's Something About Mary". While she wasn't wearing earphones to soothe her into the room you could tell she was out of her comfort zone. I think she must have found the whole experience as comedic as I did. We looked at each other and I smiled at her and she smiled back at me half shy and half giddy. I figured this was as "real" of an interaction I was going to experience so I continued the smile game. It was actually quite fun.

It was now pushing 1300 and I was getting a little impatient but hey, I figured this was how these industry types rolled, so I just went with it. When the receptionist finally got off the phone, she called my pal with the tapered jeans and directed him to an awaiting office. He stood up and looked to the larger tit with his smarmy vest, plastic rectangle frame glasses and annoying salt and pepper beard and pony tail and beckoned, "daddy..."... I blinked repeatedly over the same spot on the page I was reading. I then looked up and had a giant smile and giggle waiting for me.

It was getting a bit much for me and my bladder was reminding me that I had consumed a large amount of water prior to my departure for the agency so I asked for directions to the bathroom. After walking down the hall I came up to the bathrooms, but my attention was quickly diverted to the matching set of cock and balls couches in the waiting area outside the bathrooms. As you can see above, there is no other description for them. If I didn't have just cause to wonder how crazy, eccentric or gay I'd have to be to survive in this industry, I did now.

After returning to the reception area, I kindly asked Miss Stainedlip when I could expect to be seen as I had a very pressing professional engagement coming up. She told me that it would only be 5 more minutes. A figure I was amazed that she could come up with seeing as how she didn't place or receive any phone calls or messages to suggest that would be the case. As it turns out, her 5 minutes turned out to be 15 and I was more than annoyed with her.

Finally I got into the office and met with an agent who I thought was young to be in her position, but what the hell did I know. She introduced herself and she actually seemed nice enough and somewhat normal. She started into her shpiel and started asking me some questions about my background, activities, languages, abilities scars, tattoos... I had to cut her off and tell her I had absolutely no experience whatsoever and further more, that this whole thing was a bit of a joke. She looked mildly offended so I clarified explaining to her that I had been the victim of a small practical joke but was going through with it all for the sheer hell of it.

She said that she could see why I may have been signed up by my friends complimenting me on my eyes and the fact that I was really personable and easy going about it all. I just explained to her that I, for the lack of a civilized term, quite frankly didn't give a fuck and was going along with the nothing ventured, nothing gained motto and that if I wasn't what they were looking for, no big deal. When she showed me that some of the contracts they secured for their models added up to $4000 take home per day after agency fees for simple things as a print campaign, I began thinking it might just be a big deal.

We shook hands and she told she'd be in contact with me in 3 or 4 days if the agency liked me for whatever category my goofy mug fit in and we'd go from there. I left her office and quickly took one last survey of the kaleidoscope of krazy I saw before me. I duly took note of one last big grin and noticed the pink triple velcro shoes she was wearing and thought to myself, fuck those are cool. I'd love to see anyone else there try and pull that off.

Fortunately for me, the exit was on my right and my lack of ambiturning ability was hidden from the modeling world for at least another day.

A 5 Point Post

2007-11-05T23:10:00.000-05:00

The Good: My sister recently bought a new blue Mini Cooper with money she'd been saving for the last few years of work. She decided to name the thing Paddington after narrowing her choice of appropriate "English" names down. She bought it standard and after a few (trying) days of teaching, she had it mastered. My sister is wee just under 5'1" so it's a perfect fit for her. When she picked it up from the dealership, she let my brother drive it home since she didn't know at the time how to drive it. This was a big honour for Jeff so as a little show of thanks, he went about finding a little Paddington Bear doll. While my sister was at work, he tucked the little Paddy into the driver's seat of the big Paddy and fastened the seatbelt and left it to be discovered at a later point. When my sister found it later, she came back into the house with all the happiness and surprise of a 5 year old having found exactly what she'd asked for on Christmas morning. It was so cute.

The Bad: Miscommunication and unfortunate circumstances... Let me preface this by saying that I had been worn right down and was tired beyond reason and she was just welcoming her monthly visitor.I recently pissed off a friend of mine. We have a pretty easy going friendship with no strings attached and it has suited both of us very well. Before I left on my trip she and I had been talking on the phone when she asked why I was single and why I didn't have a good girl in my life and I told her I had one until she decided to get rid of me. From here things get a little foggy. She said something along the lines of her saying that she'd want to be with me if she wasn't so wrong for me. In my head and heart I know that I could never date this girl so I didn't argue, but that's not the point at hand here. After she'd said that, I think I verbally agreed with her and then I said something, which for the life of me I can't remember what it was, and it pissed her off something mighty. I was trying to say that I liked what we had going and that it was good, but somehow I managed not to get that message across and had her get a "little" upset at me. She promptly said a quick piece and hung up. I still don't know what I said...

The Funny (but not really): Some of the excuses being pandered about by men being caught in gay scandals. I'm not going on an anti-gay thing here. I love gay people, after all, the more there are, the more women become available to the dating pool and hey, if you only women go after you're only attractive to half of the population out there. Poor Senator Craig from Idaho alleged he was a victim of entrapment and that the under cover police officer had been the one soliciting sex in the bathroom of an airport. That at least isn't as fishy as the one offered up by the Vatican Priest Monsignor Tommaso Stenico who, when caught on camera, said he was merely doing psychoanalytic research and was merely "pretending" to be gay to gather information on those who damage the church with homosexual activity... While both have more or less committed professional suicide, you gotta give the priest more points for originality.

The Sad: New Era, the caps' manufacturer, and the New York Yankees — whose famous interlocking NY cap features a choice of a red and black bandanna design for the Bloods, blue and gray for the Crips and a gold crown for the Latin Kings and Major League Baseball is deliberately marketing to gang members and wannabes to make more money off a horrible trend.

The Down Right Odd:An Australian woman was killed by a pet camel given to her as a 60th birthday present after the animal apparently tried to have sex with her. She was killed at her family's sheep and cattle ranch. The 10-month-old male camel weighing about 150 kilograms knocked the woman to the ground, lay on top of her, then exhibited what police suspect was mating behaviour. A police spokesperson said, "I'd say it's probably been playing, or it may be even a sexual sort of thing," adding the camel almost suffocated the family's pet goat by straddling it on several occasions. The woman was given the camel in March as a birthday present from her husband and daughter. It is not known if the camel's exposure to the other barn yard stock had anything to do with its state of arousal especially given the close proximity of the sheep. There are un-confirmed reports the camel may have some Welsh or New Zealand blood lineage which could explain a few things.

Full Moon Rising

2007-10-21T01:50:00.000-05:00

So, I was riding home on my fair Lady Limerick, when I happened across a cab full of very attractive girls on their way home from a night out on the town. As I got closer to the cab, I could see that there were three girls in the back, but I could only see the faces of two as they smiled while looking back out of the cab.

I looked closer and noticed that the third girl in the back on the passenger's side was standing up, with her skirt hiked up to her waist hanging and shaking her ass out the window for all to see. Now, Steph I instantly thought about you, and I don't know why..., when I saw this girl. I wondered, is this worthy to be labeled as a "supertard" moment? Feel free to poll the others and get back to me.

Now I've had girls do weird and sometimes very funny things in-front of me on the highway as I've passed them by on my bike after the clubs have let out. Smiling, winking, hanging and waving out the windows are par for the course but this took the (moon)cake. I couldn't help but laugh at the sheer hilarity of the situation and the girls in the back were obviously enjoying it too. I can only imagine what the cabbie was thinking. At the very least, I don't think he'd need to expect a tip after filing enough images to fill his jolly trunk for many a tosser's night.

So as I got closer as I passed, of course on the passenger side, I noticed the other girls waving me towards the cab. As I drew even, one of them made the motion for me to slap the bare ass that was hanging out the window. Now, who was I to say no to a request like that.? With a little precision riding, I managed to satisfy their request while probably scaring the crap out of the cabbie and the cars directly behind us...

I figured hell, how often does something like this happen...

Steph?

: P

Now This Is What I'm Talking About.

2007-10-12T16:00:00.000-05:00

I've long been a fan of British culture and on occasion their women. :P This to me sums up all that is right with thems folk across the pond.

Too often we relegate our seniors to tight, forgotten quarters where they are left to their own devices to cohort with others in like circumstances about what used to be and why the rest of the world sucks. Not our problem if we don't have to deal with them right?

To me, this is the perfect solution. Ok, I may have a professional bias to this of course, but think of it in a good way. They're out getting fresh air, they're participating in socially conscious activities and they get respect from the younger, able bodies would have nothing to do with them if it weren't for such a progressive thinking social program. God bless.

My Two Pence Worth (an excerpt from the biography of Jimmy Ryan, fallen rock star)

2007-10-10T01:30:00.000-05:00

My arrival in London was met with little fan fare. I had gotten used to porn queens and throngs of adoring women showering me in tidbits from their unmentionables drawers as soon as I stepped out, beshaded, from whichever plane I had arrived on.

My disappointment was palpable as grey skies loomed, threatening but failing, like The Bravery, to live up to their potential. My limo was nowhere to be found and I had to sift about the common as though I were but a speck amidst a dripping shower of colourless faces. Had I been forgotten in such a short absence?!?! My agent was so fired.

Celebrity is such a fickle and fantastic thing. The women, the blow, the cars, the complimentary face towels and pillow-top candies. Fick, what the shit was up? Culture had spun and lost me from a 45 to a 74 min crystalline coaster.

Somehow counter culture's 'Cid And The Smack Bunnies had pussied into a putrid slur of rhyme spinners whose talent couldn't amount up to the monetary worth their self-given names suggested. I want my 50p back. If not that at least a 20p spot to use the phone box. What about a mobile you ask, seems if you let lapse a bill payment or 5 they cut you off. Virgin ... Funny how with a name like that, one entity knows exactly how to fuck you.

Phone coinage in hand, its method of acquisition un-mentionable lest some equal rights, pro-soy milk conglomeration throw up their arms and hang me from the dangling pit hair, I rang up the only stupid c*nt I figured would be half arsed to pick me up. Funny enough, that's exactly what his nickname was in China when we lived there 6 years ago.

Jason answered and agreed on one condition, that I find him a father's day card for a man whose style I can only describe as Sahara-esquely dry. I acquiesced half thinking it would be fun to sort him out with a picture of a tot hugging his father with a caption underneath sayin, "this is a hug you rigid sod, would it have killed you to give me one growing up?"

After some consideration I decided against it, but had I known it would have taken me back into the bowels of Heathrow to find one, I might just as well have xeroxed my own middle finger and sent that off instead and watched with glee when the envelope was opened. The devil, I know.

After settling with a classic hot rod driving in gray and white glory into the desert, I set about finding my ride. I was half expecting him to have some sort of luxury sports car or something fancy so imagine my surprise when I found him with his car in all its green Mini glory. Mildly shaken, yet somewhat not stirred, it all seemed par for the course.

He hadn’t changed one bit since the last time I saw him; Disgustingly good build and looks of mixed heritage, a familial fortune waiting in the wills. Every friggin’ reason in the world to loathe him, yet a clown prince melded with panache and utter absurdity he was, and God was it good to see him.

I’d heard also that he’d gotten a proper gig with some degree of professional responsibility but I just couldn’t see it. This comedy of errors shackled with propriety… Like me given another chance, a fist full of money, locked in a room of sexy and seductive vices on one side and redemption on the other, it just didn’t seem at all plausible.

After a warm welcome and genuine hug (possible the only real thing I've experienced in at least a fortnight. Well there was Angelique and those were lovel... oh wait, nope.) I was loaded up, luggage wise, and we were off along the M25 to the house in Henley.

Before the all mind numbing, "how're you doin" could get asked, I was informed that it was my duty as passenger to keep my eyes open for any nursery that was open. I even had my limits when it came to a potential dating pool and I was in no way going to participate in anything that could see me back in the hag rags for all the wrong reasons. (again)...

After my slightest "what the fuck" protest, he explained that we had to find a flowering plant or two for his father's present. I thought the card would have sufficed especially since I had been the one to find it, and didn't even want to think of what I'd have to go through to la-botanize myself...

As we drove I began to wonder if strapping myself in was enough protection. I'm a firm believer in putting on a helmet when the situation deems it necessary... but I figured a trip down the motorway to pick up plants was a safe bet not to be one of those. As we flung again and again through the round-about while Jason consulted his mother which exit we should take, I nearly opted for the open door... surely death would be the end result either way.

After shopping for orchids and the what not we did the next most non-gay thing possible and hit up the vendors outside the nursery for ice lollies... "Ah sorry, out of money at the moment, do you mind?"... "Fuck you, Ok".

TBC'd

NAMED!

2007-09-01T23:30:00.000-05:00

So after some consideration and suggestions (some constructive, others curious) I've settled on a name for the bike. I've gone with my friends Ashley and Tom (S'Mat)'s suggestions and combined them. Going forward, her friends will know her as Jade, but to the rest of the world she'll be Lady Limerick.

It seems that those were the only suggestions that seemed to heed my asking to go along with the female theme, but it's not by default that those were the winners. As Ashley said, "JADE, DAMMIT, JADE. Asian hooker = sleek, sexy, fast. Typically cleaner than the North American variety. You may tell yourself it's not good for you or your bank account, but dammit, it's fun and you'll tell your friends about your experiences riding her. :D"

Tom justified his suggestion by adding, "one of the names i thought of briefly seems to be nicer for your baby: Limerick? its from the emerald isle and all... plus, adding a 'Lady' in front would feminize a charm... so how about Lady Limerick?"

Both of them seemed to key in on the fact that my baby is green, and though my bike friends call her the pickle and Steph lovingly wanted to call her Kermit, it'll be Lady Limerick, Jade. I just hope LL Cool J doesn't get wind of it and whine about identity infringements.

So it has been decided and it will be good.

P.S. Oh, and I swear I will get back to a "regular" blogging schedule now that the work month from hell is over and I don't have to work every weekend of the month. Next up, the long put off and hopefully eagerly anticipated blog entry about the first leg of the London experience from my June trip.

Name My Baby

2007-08-15T12:00:00.000-05:00

Ok people. Indie needs your help with coming up with a name for my baby. As you can see she is sexy, has style and a little killer instinct. I've been trying to come up with a name for her, but as of yet, haven't found anything that has stuck. The facebook crowd have come up with Jade, which I kinda like, but my sister thinks that sounds too much like an Asian hooker's name... Some of the other facebookers have also taken to referring to her as the pickle... I see it, but don't like it.

So I leave it to you to come up with any suggestions for a name for HER. Yes, female names would be best, but then again, I can't control it if you come up with something that is clearly not, like the pickle...

Please don't support the pickle movement. I still have some faith in you people. :P

Like We Both Saw A Ghost

2007-08-06T02:00:00.000-05:00

Ah, back to the world of the Blog...

I've been working on an entry for the London part of my trip but it's been slow coming. Instead, I left it be for a while hoping to get into the right groove to finish it. You'll understand when you read it... I figured that I'd maybe witness something interesting to write about in the mean time. Had I known what exactly would have unfolded for me to write about, I'm pretty sure I would have traded that experience for the tedium and skullduggery that usually inspires my prosaic literary endeavours... (j/k)

It's taken me the better part of my week to reconcile everything in my head and heart and seeing as how I tend to wear the latter on my sleeve, I needed to get some dry cleaning done before I resumed my type. Last Sunday was the last day of the International Jazz Festival that is held annually in the Beaches area of my division. We'd worked the previous 3 days and the day before, I'd played 2 full rugby games in the stifling heat and then worked a full 10 hour shift so needless to say, I was pretty ground down by the time Sunday had come around. Add into the mix that we had a short turn around from the end of shift 2AM earlier that morning to be back in again at 10AM and I was at the point where a teething infant could've taken me out. I'd have cried, but the press would've loved the photo op.

Most of the team was pretty wiped as well so we figured it'd be a good start to the day if we went out for a group breakfast. It was decided that we would meet up at Vi Vetha, a nice but not over-priced restaurant in the east end of our territory. After a healthy selection and a few jokes, many having me as the ass end of them, we attempted to settle our bill. We were politely told by our waitress that someone else who had been dining in the restaurant had already taken care of our bills and just wanted to say thanks and to keep up the good work. We all thought that was a grand gesture considering the venom that is at times directed our way. After leaving the waitress a massive tip we made our way out. As we exited via the front patio, I looked out to the last table before the exit. At first, I noticed a nice red top, and then long brown hair, and then a pair of very familiar and striking green eyes that looked like and OH MY GOD, they WERE Jeannie's...

I hadn't seen her in almost a year and a half since the night we broke up and this was NOT the way I thought our first meeting would go. Our eyes seemed to lock and I couldn't tell if that sensation coming over me was relief or a mild dose of cardiac arrest. Oh yes, and there was also the slight matter of the company she was in for breakfast. I had taken a quick look at the guy and immediately knew that he was the fortunate one who had started to see her after me. In case some of you are scratching your heads, refer to this before you continue reading. Caught up? Good. I figured this wasn't the place to get all tongue tied and goopy so I put my best face and foot forward and then proceeded to smile and say hi to her. I don't know what it was, but she had the complete deer in the head lights thing going on, like she had been caught doing something she shouldn't have been. I hadn't the slightest that she was in the area seeing as how her home was about an hour away but it didn't take me too long to figure out she had been visiting him. (Sign me up for rocket science class)

I should have had some clue that I would run into her in the near future after I had run into her friend and travel mate, Lauren. A few days earlier, Lauren was walking with her mother and had just said to her, "this is James' area, I wonder if we'll see him tonight" when I rode past them. I doubled back to talk and she had told me that Jeannie had mentioned that I had gone traveling and asked if the trip had been good. We chatted and caught up briefly and I left thinking, hmmm, it's nice to know that Jeannie still thought and talked about me even if just in passing. I just didn't know that I would see her that soon after seeing Lauren. Things coming in 3, I figure, it'll only be a matter of time until I run into their other roommate Katie, but I digress.

I stood there barely believing what was unfolding before me was actually going on. I can't remember for the worth of me, all of what I said, but I do remember her tripping over herself and asking me the same things twice. I made sure not to blither like an idiot or go all doe eyed on her lest I lose any foothold I had on the situation. She introduced the guy she was with just as Mike. I shook his hand and introduced myself all the while silently wishing to myself that he'd die a fiery death or at the very least develop leprosy somewhere in the groin region. After that, I had a quick silent chuckle to myself as I really don't think that she knows that I know who he is in her life and if he didn't know before who I was, he would know in very short order. I seized the opportunity and excused myself from the chance meet (and personal implosion) citing my intrusion on their meal and the need for me to get back to my duties. I told her that it was nice seeing her and said good bye.

I walked to the other side of the patio where our bikes had been locked up and said under my breath to my partner, "and now I'm going to hang myself"... :P He didn't quite understand why at the time and as he explained, just thought that she was someone I knew and might have been an ex. When I told him that was Jeannie, the "OOOOOOooooohhhh" he dropped said it all. As we geared up, another customer sitting on the patio engaged me in conversation. As it turned out, she was still in my line of sight, but I made it a point not to look obviously in her direction. I could see when he got up to either pay or relieve himself that she reached for her cell and feverishly typed out a text message to whom I can only assume was Lauren. I wonder what that message said... He came back and the two of them left, and I couldn't help but notice the distance or the lack of closeness there was between them.

The whole experience left me in a daze and I almost got into an accident riding away from the restaurant. I was shaken and visibly put off enough that the guys even stopped making jokes at my expense for the day. I had some time later to think and it was something that I can't really put in words, but the brief moment of silence where our eyes were the only connection being made, I knew there were unfinished matters between the two of us. I don't mean to say that I thought we were going to get back together; that would just be asinine. There was just something left wanting. As for the other guy, I honestly don't have any malice towards either of them, unless of course he is a royal douche bag and mis-treats her. Life is always about change and the chances you take or don't. Her plans to travel were constantly being delayed and in the mean time she started seeing him. I still believe she was right in her reasons for breaking up with me and can honestly find no reason to be upset other than pride. It will be interesting to see what if anything unfolds from here going forward. I'm still trying to process it, and from what some of my friends have opined, she most likely is doing the same, if not more so.

I guess if there was a way to run into her, despite my internal mashing, that was the best circumstance. Everything that is there to know is out there. There were no comfort blankets of guy and girl friends for either of us to wrap ourselves in. I'd like to think that I handled it well and having recently read a Cosmo article on what not to do when running into an ex, the chances of that are good. :P

There's Something New

2007-07-22T18:30:00.000-05:00

Ok Ok Ok

If you look slightly to the right and up a bit, you will find something that you all have been dogging me about.

Enjoy.

Ah Amsterdam... Part 3

2007-07-13T04:00:00.000-05:00

The next day the American Crew saw the Anne Frank museum and it was incredibly simple, but completely moving. It's one thing to read about an event form history in a book but a completely different thing to be in right in the middle of it. Good on Amsterdam for keeping the house as it was and making sure her message was not silenced. I had seen the museum the day before yet somehow managed to forget to blog about it... I'm a dumbass.

In the mean time while the rest of them were checking Anne's house out. I wandered about and found a really vivid photo exhibit of wildlife. I don't know why it struck me as much as it did, but it must have been good for me to stand in the rain to look through it all. After that I went to the old town square and made friends with a horse. I don't know what its name was, but I assumed him to be my friend after I let him eat the apple I had previously been eating. Now I could be wrong, but how cool is it to have a horse as a friend, so leave me be.

After a couple of hours and the Texans managing to get lost around the corner from the brewery. : ), we all managed to meet up for the tour of the old Heineken Brewery. The cost of the tour is 11 Euros or $15.85 Cdn and $15.15 US for my southern readership. Included in the cost are tokens for 3 glasses of beer and 1 gift upon the conclusion of the tour. Upon entering the front door, we were greeted by a girl that was positively something wow. She had awesome wavey almost curly hair, really bright blue/green eyes and again had very natural and un-assuming good looks to her. So naturally I paid her a compliment and was quickly joined by one of the Texans, Kate who totally adored her hair. I think between the two of us, we made her freakin' year! I just figured we were off to a good start...

After going through some exhibits from the origins of the brewery to some of the advertising campaigns run throughout the decades, we came upon the first bar. It was rather normal and we had our one beer that our green token alloted us. After some interactive exhibits and a stop in the gift shop, we came to the last stop. Quite fittingly it was another bar, this one themed like a busy pub or club. The way it was SUPPOSED to work was that we had 2 orange tokens left for 2 more glasses of beer. Most of the other visitors had their 2 beers and left. We were not fully prepared to leave the cozy confines of our emerald chamber and were determined to mine more out of our 2 orange tokens. Cue the parade of good looking Texan women to the bar...

One round became two and eventually three. We came up with a simple system; When the guys had their rotation behind the bar, we sent in the women to do whatever they could (within the realm of decency) to get as much beer as they could with as little cost to the orange bank as possible. At its best, they would each come back with 4 beers in hand and still have their orange tokens. This day was progressing just swimmingly but it got just a touch better. The girl that was working the entrance when we arrived, paid us a visit when she finished her shift behind the bar. As she walked by, she very discreetly deposited a handful of orange tokens in one of the girls' hand. What was supposed to have been a 3 beer tour turned into a 9 beer blow out. Needless to say when the lot of us popped back out into the mid afternoon sun, some of us didn't exactly know what was going on. Not bad for 15 bucks and change.

After a well deserved siesta we caught dinner and wrapped the night up with a few more drinks in town. What you thought we'd stop there? C'mon. Though with the bars closing at midnight, I think we were spared a horrible next morning. We wrapped the night up and I think I arrived back in the room sometime after 2 AM. I had previously mentioned that I had 5 female roommates in my hostel room. I don't think any of them were happy to see me when I got back into the room. The girl on the top bunk closest to the door shot me a look that I can only compare to a vampire recoiling from the searing crack of the morning sun. I was mildly amused and scared at the same time. Or maybe I was just still swimming in it. I did feel bad though when I found out later the next morning that she had to be out the door by 6 in order to catch a plane to her next destination. That feeling didn't last too long. :)

Later that day, I said my goodbyes to the Texans. They were such a kick ass group and if any of you guys are reading this, I will be down to visit as promised. I met up with my friend Bryan who I had first met in China 6 years ago. As with my friend Christian in Stockholm, he was pretty much exactly the same as I had remembered him. The next couple of days were spent catching up and falling right back into the old ways. It's funny how time and distance can physically separate but purity in simplicity is the key to sustaining any friendship and the bond was just as strong now as it was back then. Bryan and I spent pretty much every day together in China and it was so nice to be able to see him again. Of course the conversation wasn't the only thing that was brought back en vogue from Beijing... We also reverted back to some of social habits that almost got me arrested in Tien An Men Square, but that's another story for another time. I'll just leave you with a photographic and typical goodbye from Amsterdam.

Ah Amsterdam... Part 2

2007-07-10T04:00:00.000-05:00

So after having met a porn goddess, an earth dwelling angel and then being punch lined to death by a store-front hooker, I found myself wandering back to the hostel from the train station as all sensible forms of public transportation ceased to operate after 12:30 AM... For a city that has such a good public transport system, I found it odd that it all seemed to shut down, leave a few buses which I had no plans on boarding lest I end up in some remote part of town to be captured and enslaved in an underground clog finishing factory. Lost among all of that excitement, I even forgot to tell you that I had visited a sex museum. Seriously...

Upon my return to the hostel, I ended up meeting a couple of guys who were from the States and had been back packing throughout Eastern Europe before arriving in Amsterdam. They suggested I join them to check out the area around the hostel and partake in some of the allowances afforded by the liberal culture... I figured it would be a good way to meet and get to know some new people so I figured why not. As a testament to the quality of the Canadian product, I would have to say from what I remember from those hazier days that our homegrown is a spot better than the local fare sampled to me on that night. At any rate they were a couple of cool cats and we made plans to hit up a few sites later the next day.

As it turns out I ended up spending the first part of the day exploring the museums on my own as the other two had already seen what I was planning to the day before. Eventually I ended up at the Van Gogh Museum. I had hatched a plan well before hand to see the exhibit in an enhanced sensory mode. I figured when in Rome... So in due time a fungal fantasy became an artistic reality where colours melded and images entranced and almost 4 hours passed by. The Van Gogh collection itself was spell binding, but there was also an additional exhibit by an artist surnamed Maxwell. His style, dark carnivalesque images with dark coloured bases, accented with sharp, bright colours and that only added to the entrancement.

After a nap back at the hostel, my body having seemed to have been returned to me in my sleep, I set about trying to find Pete and Jay. Forward thinking would have seen us exchange room numbers the night before so we could find each other at the agreed upon meeting time. As it was though, that wasn't the case. To make things even better, the hostel had 5 floors with about 5 rooms on each floor. I didn't exactly feel like knocking on each door to find them. I picked the forth floor and ran into a big group of people, who from some of their t-shirts, were from Texas A&M University. We exchanged the typical hostel questions of where we were from and where we had been and how long we were staying. Then I explained that I was looking for 2 other Americans, but had no idea which room they were in.

Normally this would have been rather awkward, but one girl, Megan volunteered herself to find them for me and went about knocking on the door she guessed Pete and Jay were staying behind. As it turns out there were two American guys in that room, but not the two I was looking for. In the end, I gave up looking for them and was quickly adopted as an honourary Texan and pseudo Long Horn for the night. This turned out to be a blessing in disguise as this lot was a laugh a second pretty much. We ended up across the road at an Italian restaurant and I don't know how the waiter didn't lose his mind serving us. We were easily the loudest group in the joint and even broke a few decorations during the course of our dining. The destruction wasn't limited to inanimate objects as a couple of the girls actually managed to injure themselves while eating and telling stories. I swear, it was one of those things you just had to be there to witness.

We eventually met up with Pete and Jay and had a few beers in the main square of the bar district. I was shocked to find out though that the bars in Amsterdam all closed up around midnight. I figured that was a touch odd for a city with the reputation it did. It was suggested that most people are so stoned / spent that there really isn't any point for the bars to stay open past midnight. As it turned out, there were clubs still open into the wee hours, but seeing as how none of us were club people, that did us no good. We ended up calling it an early night having consumed a reasonable enough amount of alcohol during the course of dinner and in the square to see us off to dreamland in a happy state.

Ok, this is getting a bit long so I guess there will a part 3 coming up shortly.

HOME

2007-07-06T11:30:00.000-05:00

So it would seem that I've arrived home and have already gone through 4 days back at work. The trip was a blur and I will update the rest of Amsterdam and get onto London, Dresden, and Geneva in due time.

At this moment, I am working on uploading the photos and figuring out how the hell I am going to show them all to you.

Looming Large Over London

2007-06-29T12:30:00.000-05:00

So there's nothing quite like waking up and finding out there was an active bomb ticking away no more than 5 minutes away while I slept... So that was the reality of my morning today. Good thing the good guys caught on and defused the thing before it went off. Not a good way to cap off the trip.

After going for a brief walk, I decided to walk through Trafalgar Square. I was enjoying a stroll when all of a sudden a hockey game broke out right before my eyes. Being a good Canadian boy, this brought a tear to my eye. Ok, it didn't just break out. It was actually part of the 2'nd annual Canada Day celebration in London. They transformed the whole of Trafalgar Square into a Canadian theme park. Hell, a free concert to boot with Sam Roberts playing will be a good end to a turbulent day in the city.

Just a little hi and hello to let you know Indie is well and good despite people trying to blow up his fun.

Will catch you up proper with all of the events before London shortly.

Stay sexy.

Indie

Ahhhhhhh Amsterdam Part 1

2007-06-21T20:40:00.000-05:00

Last I left you, I was in a mad scramble from the personal abode of a hockey club's admin girl back to my friend's and then to the airport. So hurried was I that I completely forgot to mention the lovely Mariella, a very intelligent and attractive Greek girl, not that we should hold that against her, on the bus to the airport. Who knows, maybe I've worked out a place to stay should I ever visit Greece. Now which one of you fellow bloggers is responsible for turning me into a man whore? Hmmm Hmmm Hmmm? Seriously, I hope more men figure out that all it takes is to say hi and just be happy to meet someone.

So I arrived in Holland and a quick train and tram ride later, I was at my hostel in the middle of the bar district and not too far from the museumplein or district as they'd have you refer to it as. I checked in to my room, which I had signed up for as a co-ed shared accommodation for 6, and was a little shocked to find 3 girls asleep seemingly waiting for my entrance to wake them. I figured, hmmm, the guys must be out already. I'll meet them later and we'll have a good night. Wrong. As it turned out, my other roommates were 2 other girls. So me and 5 girls. You'd think that my stars had aligned yet again for me, but alas, no joy.

No worries though, I grabbed my trusty camera bag and after I filled you all in on Helsinki, set about discovering the city. The layout of the city is awesome and everything is planned out by sections, seemingly like they were twinned with a side of a rolling dice, your destination set forth by a chance roll and delivered by an incredibly easy tram system. I went for a walk up the main road in the area where I was and as I did so, I nearly threw my neck and back out as she caught my eye as she walked in the opposite direction. Now girls, you know it's true... you know damn right what thin white pants look like when you put them on... so that's all I'll say on that. She was just incredibly fit and I just said to myself, wow.

Upon returning down the street from my brief adventure, I stopped into the pharmacy to pick up some shampoo and tooth paste. Easy and boring enough, until I went to pay for said items. Once at the counter, I took a look to my immediate left as I noticed out of the corner of my eye that there was a rather tall woman standing beside me. At first glance, she looked like Tera Patrick, who for those of you who don’t know, is a very famous porn star. I had an amused and quizzical look about me and thought, nah… Only one way to find out so I allowed myself for ever so brief of a moment to look at her boobs, as they are her natural claim to fame. After just barely noticing her assets, I noticed the sizeable diamond ring she had on. I then noticed her slightly bigger and way more tattooed male companion lurking close by. She and I smiled at each other. She knew I knew who she was, but must have been relieved that I left it at that and didn’t make a scene. Celebrity has never really fazed me before and I wasn’t going to let a porn star change that, though it would have been a reasonable exception. Can’t say the same about the guy lurking about outside as I left though. I knew then that my stay in the city would be an eventful one.

Down the road from the pharmacy, I happened upon a candy shop and a la Homer Simpson, I twiddled my fingers and said aloud, "Oooh, candy". I went inside and what should I see before me but the girl in the white pants. I couldn't help but look again as I set about filling my sweets bag with sour apples, jelly bellies, cola bottles and the what not. This time around I managed to see her face and it was angelic and un-assuming, the heart meltingest kind in my books. She was ahead of me in line and paid for her bag of candy, and I did the same and figured that I'd say something to her since I was there and hell she was just something wow.

So I caught up to her just outside the front door of the shop and just said outright and not even knowing if she'd understand what I was saying to her, "excuse me miss, I just wanted to let you know that you had caught my eye and I just wanted to let you know that I thought you are absolutely stunning." You'd think my next thought would have been, shit what have I done, but that actually didn't happen. Her face lit up even more than it had been before and she said back to me, "wow, thank you, I'm really flattered by that, you completely made my day". Actually, she had just made my day, but that's neither here nor there. She asked where I was heading and upon me telling her, she said that she was going in that direction to catch the tram to her ailing mother's. So we walked and talked for a little bit. Actually I think I floated over on a thin cloud layer. We said our goodbyes, exchanged no more than smiles and I found out that Dutch people kiss cheeks 3 times to send people off.

Later that night after I had let myself come down from the bliss that Roseanna had sent me about with, I caught a bite to eat and made my way in to the infamous Red Light District. From what I had seen of the rest of the city, I thought to myself that Amsterdam's reputation as being a complete gong show wasn't deserved. That was until I ventured into the streets and more so the alleys of the infamed district. Holy God. This place is an absolute zoo and a world removed from the norm that's for sure. I still can't get over window shopping for hookers. Like think about that. I wandered pretty much all of the alleyways and thought to myself that some of these women were way too good looking to be hooking out of a display window. Then I saw some of their co-workers who made me almost lose my breakfast, lunch and dinner. I honestly think I walked by one window and said aloud to myself, "now Jimbo, that was a dude".

Seriously now, they pay rent for the window and room space. Girls or guys like that must surely lose money plying their trade. Cause if they actually do enough business to pay the rent, I am going to lose it. (again) The area is truely something that you all have to experience for yourselves if you haven’t yet already. Live blazing red adverts for live sex shows, porno shacks lining pretty much every corner. Temptation was everywhere and anything you could ask for was available to you. Walk by drug dealers offering in broken french-english if you wanted eggstazy or coken amused me at first but then quickly became annoying. I even had to resort to playing the dumb Asian tourist with the camera out, pretending not to understand English…

Ok, I hear you all moaning now, pictures, pictures pictures… I will do my best to upload a few tomorrow. No promises though as I am on a borrowed computer. But for now, that was only day 1. I have to still clear some more haze and figure out what the hell days 2 through 5 did to me.

Quote of the night...

"Come here, talk to me. where are you going?"

"I'm just going for a walk"

"You go to a forrest for a walk, you go to the Red Light District for a fuck!"

Till later, stay super,

Indie.

Hey Now Helsinki.

2007-06-14T02:10:00.000-05:00

Hello Helsinki, at least that was what I said when I got off the plane. I don't know what it is but in Scandinavia so far, there has been an absolute breath taker waiting in line at the baggage carousel. It's the perfect way to welcome someone to the city that's for sure.

So I found myself in Finland, not knowing what to expect. Having been to Stockholm and finding out that the sun doesn't hardly ever set, I knew I was in for long days. That was all fine and good for me as I had to fit a lot into the two days that I was going to be visiting. This time out though, I had no guide to show me around. My friend Kirsi, was supposed to have been there, but after I had planned my trip, she was sent out to a work trip in West Africa. She was nice enough to leave the keys to her apartment with a friend and he met me at the train station when I arrived and set me about on my way. She had an amazing apartment too.

After I got settled in I did a quick tour of the city. It's small enough that you can literally walk around it in an hour. Suited me just fine and I got to take some good pictures without the hustle and bustle of a tourist crowd. Now Steph if you're reading this, this is akin to your story about borrowing your friend's digi-cam. After I got home and settled in for bed, I wanted to put some clothes away into a proper cabinet instead of having it bunched up in my backpack. I opened the bedside cabinet and happened to find a small plastic bag... The contents of which were pleasurable... Again, in case this is read by my friend, and in all likelyhood it will, let's just say, "you go girl, at least you know how to have fun with yourself". I always thought she was so prim and proper. I even refer to her as the definition of a lady. Oh how I should have known. :P

So the next day, I set about going to Hartwell Arena to visit the home rink of my favourite Finnish hockey team, Jokerit (team logo above). I thought I'd go and pick up a souvenir from their team store for my brother as one of his favourite players is from Helsinki and played for that club before going to play in North America. To my shock and dismay, the arena was closed and the shop barren. I called the number for the store that I had been given in town. I nice sounding girl named Riikka answered and I explained that I was a crazy Canadian on a hockey sojourn and was looking for something to bring back to my brother. She told me to come into the arena office and she would see what she could do.

I got buzzed into the arena and made my way down to the office. I was greeted by a lovely girl who tried her hardest to find someone and something to give to me to take home from the hockey club. In the end though, her efforts were for naught. I was disappointed so I setted for the next best thing. If I couldn't get something from the hockey team, I'd just take one of their employees instead. So I asked her if she had plans for later, and she didn't so I had myself a date. Long and short of it, is that we met up had a nice walk about the city and then made dinner at my friend's place. We started up a movie and then got called out to a park to chill out with some more of her friends and have a few drinks in the open air.

The night or morning ended off at about 4AM. My flight for Amsterdam left at 9:30AM... So at 6 I made my way back to Kirsi's to shower up and tidy up her apartment before I left. I was aiming to be back at the train station at 7:30 to catch the shuttle to the airport. Things ended up taking a little longer and I ended up missing that one and reset my aim for the 7:50 shuttle. I ended up missing that one as well and was a little concerned because the next one departed at 8:10 and wouldn't arrive at the airport until 8:45 leaving me a grand 45 minutes before scheduled take off time.

By the grace of God, I made it onto the plane. I promptly fell asleep a short time after take off and splet pretty much the whole flight over. I woke up in time to catch the landing as opposed to my arrival in London when I realized we were landing when the thump of the wheels woke me. A train and tram trip later I arrived at the hostel and that's where I will leave you. There will be plenty of stories to fill the next blog whenever that happens to get written.

Happy in the high times or happy in the high times,

Indie

You Had To See It For Yourself.

2007-06-10T18:50:00.000-05:00

Why Planes Crash - The best free videos are right here
So hellooo from Stockholm! Tomorrow I actually leave for a quick few days in Helsinki, but first the news up until now. As is tradition for me, I was not completely prepared for this trip as I was essentially packing my ass out the door when it came time to leave for the airport. Hell, I didn't even feel as though I was even on vacation. My mind was not into it yet. I'd just that day, finished working 20 of 22 days in a row and a total of 26 out of the last 32...

In the end, it looks as though I may have over packed but oh well, I'll survive. The flight over to London was great as I had a nice girl named Chelsea sitting beside me. Too bad, or lucky for her, I spent most of the flight sleeping while she drank coffee and watched movies. We also had a stewardess serving our section of the plane who looked like she would cry if she was forced to smile. Sad but funny at the same time. Damn just wasted material for a 5 pt'er.

I had to transfer airlines and as a result terminals to catch my connector to Stockholm. After I picked up my big travel sack, adorned with very large and obvious Canadian flag, I sweated my way about 15 minutes through a labyrinth of tunnels to get to my departing terminal. Once there, it all seemed easy enough. I checked myself via the automated process and all I had to do was drop off my bag at the counter. That took much longer than it looked like it would seeing as though there were only about 15 people in front of me.

There was an English fellow about in his mid thirties who was lined in the queue just behind me. I thought I'd be nice and make some small talk about the delay. He agreed something to the like and then stood back. I was in the middle of thinking to mysel.. "wake me up before you go-go" What the f... The dude starts singing something that sounded like it was straight out Wham or Duran Duran's track list. I looked quizzically from my spot in line and was oh so close to blurting out, "easy there Simon, you should have stopped with Ordinary World (or maybe sooner) ".

The flight to Stockholm was a breeze as again, I spent most of it sleeping. When we landed in Sweden, I thought I was hallucinating because I thought I'd heard the captain say that the local temperature was 30 degrees Celsius. WTF, I just knew that couldn't be right. How ever would the reindeer make it? Sure to his word though it was. I'd heard the stereotype about gorgeous Swedish women before I arrived, but it couldn't be completely true. Well, I was wrong. All I will say is that she set a very high standard for the rest of this trip and that's saying a lot. At the baggage carousel of all places too.

I was picked up by my friend Christian whom I haven't seen for 6 years in China. It was very much like old times again. We went out the first night within a few hours and proceeded to have a night out in the posh part of town with all the beautiful people. They were tall, their hair was long and perfectly blonde, their skin was glistening and their eyes crystal blue, their looks were easily model calibre. That was just the men!!! The women were more than their equals in that department but good God were they some of the most vapid bunch of self-attributing worth whores out there. Note the distinction from attention seeking fame whores. Those we like around here. I guess that was the price of going out in that part of town. My mind hurts, but my eyes are singing.

I'll admit though that most of the ladies were doing their mother country proud. About doing their actual mothers proud, I'm not sure of that. They also have this thing with the high school graduates all getting little sailor's hats as a sign of their graduation. So it was a bit of a site seeing scores of these good looking (albeit high school) girls running around in their white outfits and their drunken male friends in tow. Yes, at times I felt dirty. Damn this getting older thing.

There is one thing though that I can not get over at all about this country. On the first night, I was sitting outside on the porch enjoying a beer with Christian when I noticed that the sun was still up. I swore to myself that I had recently looked at a clock and it had said 10PM. Turns out the sun doesn't fully go down until well past 11PM here. That was odd. Imagine my shock then when upon exiting a club at just after 3:30AM, the sun was already well on its way to coming back up! I have a picture of a clock tower just before 4AM and it's almost broad daylight!!!

The city of Stockholm itself is beautiful. I encourage you all to get out here at some point. Some of the design and architecture is grand and very eye catching along with some of the other sights. I do have to wonder though what attributes, beyond their genetically blessed looks some of these girls have to offer and what they expect from the world. There were two drop deads outside a soul and groove bar last night and Christian asked them about the white outfit one of them was wearing and if it had anything to do with graduation. Mind you they looked a bit older but it seemed within reason to ask. The blonde's response, "um, move on". Seriously. I bet there are few of you ladies who may have started swinging upon hearing that one. I thought about the old headbutt to the perfectly shaped nose, but I thought I'd be the loveable Canuck and leave it be. But seriously...

Ok, sleep needs me, or vice versa... Will catch you sexy bitches later.

Till Next Time

2007-06-07T21:00:00.000-05:00

Hey all, I'm off to Sweden!
Catch you soon from Stockholm.
Crash, how far is that from G-Town?

A 5 Point Post

2007-06-05T00:00:00.000-05:00

The good: I'm going on my trip in a few days. I will have worked 20 out of 22 days by the time this Thursday comes along. I finish work at 5PM and I'm on a plane to England at 11PM. Doesn't leave too much time to pack or even get ready for it but so it goes. I think I'll finally realize I'm on vacation when I arrive in Stockholm. There's just been so much going on with everything over the last year and a bit that this little journey should be good for the soul. I've decided to make traveling a priority in my life. Best way to fix a mushed up heart is to fill it with whatever the world can offer. Next up after this, surf camp in Costa Rica. But first up, Europe and I'm sure there will be more than a few sights to get the appreciation for the finer things in life back. Any one want to take a guess as to which country will have the nicest ladies? Ok Crash, no biased answers here.

The bad: Wondering what the hell it is I'm doing with myself. So goes the woes of the 20 something, but really, I just feel kind of out of touch with what is going on out there. I look around at some of the other people I grew up with and I see them and equate their lives to our respective ages and I just don't feel like I'm at the same place with it all. Sure, I have a career, doing exactly what I wanted to do. (how many people can honestly say that) Said career carries with it immense responsibility, hell people's lives are literally in my hands at times!!! Yet being all that as it is, I still just don't see myself as a 27 year old. The ex once told me she sometimes didn't see me having the job I did, because I acted a lot like a 6 year old. Seeing as how she was working with kids that age at that time, she'd know. In a way I was glad that I didn't carry the job home with me and that she could see beyond the uniform, but did it mean more? I've always held the belief that as you grow up, you should never lose your inner child, but at what point does being an adult take hold? Bah.

The funny: I haven't seen a professional sports coach lose his mind quite like this in some time. This is impressive as much as it is embarrassing, but still a good laugh.

The sad: Fuck the sad for once. There's too much of it and I got really put off by something that happened the other day. So for at least one post, there will be none of it. I have had enough. Angry and down is not who this half full half pint is. Grumble grumble grumble.

The down right odd: Police in Naron, Spain pulled over a man in an electric wheelchair who was traveling "at considerable speed" down the highway linking Ferrol with As Pontes, in the northwest of Spain. First off, I'd like to know what a considerable speed is for one of those things. I can just imagine the possibility for after market kits to soup those babies up... The man, who is TETRAPLEGIC and drives his wheelchair with his mouth and chin, had apparently become lost while looking for a brothel. Seriously. Like is there feeling down there? Maybe this part of the section should have fallen under the sad portion of the post, but I guess we as humans all have our needs. But C'MON... Maybe in Spain the ladies are more courteous and compassionate, but are they that far ahead that they have wheel chair accessible brothels?!?!? That'd be something. But then again as I typed that out, I found this from 2001. Steph, this is another reason why I love the Aussies.

My Baby At Sunset

2007-05-28T00:40:00.000-05:00

These were taken just a few moments before a kid in his BMW 540, which his parents bought for him, reversed and turned 70 feet backwards running my and a few others' helmets over...

I'm Leaving On A Jet Plane

2007-05-27T19:30:00.000-05:00

So I was thinking to myself that I would come back from a little blog absence with a poem that I've been thinking of crafting for a while. I typed a line out but then that idea quickly faded and died as fast as a burning ember cast forth from the core, unwanted, and denied lasting sustenance. Uh yeah...

I then thought of adding another "5 Point Post" but then I quickly realized that I didn't have my material freshly served up and ready to go as I usually do. I didn't feel like barfing out a sub-standard version of the installment. I tried to think of something but I was too distracted by trying to plan out my trip.

This trip is going to be my salvation but in the mean time, it is quickly becoming my death. As the saying goes, the only person you can really rely on is yourself. In this case, I am finding that to be truer and truer, the more people who take their time getting back to me as to whether or not I'll be able to stay with them when I launch my ass over to Europe.

I hatched an idea last fall that this spring or early summer that I would reward myself for a year of hard work, broken heartedness, rainy Cuban escapes, sad losses, and other foul piles of bull shit with a me, myself, and I European adventure. Not one of those package jobs, but a personal little journey to places where I've never been before.

Ok, it didn't start that way exactly, just a trip to Europe. I figured, I was single, there are loads of things to do out there, and scores of European women to meet. They alone would be a sweet departure from the sometimes upity, tight-arsed "ladies" that comprise the female exposure I am subjected to here in Toronto. As time went by, I realized that I had a completely amazing group of friends scattered throughout the European landscape.

So it was decided that I would take on a trip to England, Sweden, Finland, Holland, Germany, and Switzerland. Those are the set in stone options as Scotland and France are still on the radar, but on the outside, looking in. Of that group, I've only been to England so my eyes are going to be opened for sure. Lucky me too though, that I have friends in each of those countries so I basically just have to get my ass over there and the rest "should" be taken care of, providing that they all get back to me on time.

Back in 2000 / 01, I lived in China for 7 months and I was very fortunate to meet and make a very close and fascinating group of friends. We all pretty much stayed in touch and these are the poor saps who have to contend with me when I get to haunt each of them. So, I'm hoping they all get their ducks in a row so I am not left out. Oh hell, even if I am, nothing improvisation and a cheap ticket to Rome or somewhere else won't fix.

Hi, My Name Is _________

2007-05-20T15:30:00.000-05:00

I was at work covering a traffic point in an area which had been partially evacuated because some jackass working a construction site drilled through a major natural gas line. He managed to do this despite a fair warning that the area he was working in was very close to where the line was supposed to be. Ah hell, supposed to bes never end up causing any trouble right?...

So back to the point here. I was sitting down wind from the gas idly passing the time while soaking in all the natural gas goodness when the above pictured fuzz ball and his papa, Rufus came trundling along. Ok, Rufus was the only one doing the trundling as his 10 week old son was being carried by its owner. I am a huge pug lover so I was more than happy to give them some of my time when they walked up to me.

I still miss my little guy Pudge a whole pile and the puggy puppy reminded me a lot of him. I asked what his name was, but they didn't have one for him yet. They then said they weren't even sure if they were going to keep the little guy or find another home for him. If I wasn't working, I think I may just have taken him with me. So, I got to distract myself from work for a little bit, and that's never a bad thing.

Anyone got any name ideas?

Et Tu Mrs. Robinson?

2007-05-13T00:30:00.000-05:00

So I recently started seeing a stewardess, or flight attendant as they are to be p.c. referred to as... This whole situation started out rather innocently and randomly as it was. Normally when one attends a home show, the last thing they think of is picking up or being picked up as the course of browsing and sampling is done. So imagine my surprise when I found myself with plans for a first date while running to catch the train home.

I'd first seen her from down the exhibit hall. While at the home decor booth that she was working at, we struck up a bit of a conversation. Being at the home show, she asked me if I was looking for things home related and if there were kids or a wife to consider while looking around. Double edged sword that question, half business, half scoping me out... The latter and slightly sinful, second side of course wasn't realized by me to be so until I'd already cut my rug with the course of my dance... I prattled off about not being able to wait to have kids, but being able to wait if she got what I meant. I proceeded to lay it all out and basically advertise myself as a guy who wasn't prepared to have a family let alone a stable or serious relationship. I was single, it was the summer, I wanted to travel and be a heart melter more so than a heart breaker. Ha.

So we talked and I noticed right away that she was older, but how much older, I didn't know, or didn't care about at that exact moment. I also noticed she was a fair bit taller than I was. You see, as a towering 5'6" Chinese dude, there aren't too many women out there who picture me as the ideal guy they wake up hoping to meet based on pure physical expectations. I understand and I get that, but I am of the attitude of instead of asking "Why me?", it's now "Why not me?". Her booth got busy and I toured around for a bit before stopping by on my way out. I thought about whether I should or not, but in the end, I said "fuck it" and asked her out. Turns out she was really hoping I was going to ask her out and was even thinking of asking me out if I didn't ask her first.

The first date a week later was a dinner and a beach front walk, the second, 5 days after the first, was the lunch and a movie affair. Both of those went well and turns out she's a great kisser which never hurt anyone. Seemed to work for her as she'd let slip on our first date something equating good kissing with good sex. I'm a guy so food, sex talk, good looking women and a long day at work made things a tad bit hard to concentrate so her quote may be slightly off... The third date was supposed to be the next night with us making dinner at her place and then watching a movie. Things didn't happen in that order but in the end, they did.

Since then, there hasn't been much time for or any attempts at another proper date with rendez-vous (pl) having to suffice. Oh, and I still don't know how old she is. I'm thinking somewhere between 32 and 37. Though I could be wrong on the older side of things. My only clue is that her film and tv credits start from what she's told me in 1992 or 93... On the flip side of that, I don't think she knows how old I am either ( 27 btw ). I am usually of the jeans and t-shirt persuasion, but on that first day I was dressed in my business attire having just come from court. Seems like we're both going with the flow and allowing come what may.

Don't know really what to do here, nor am I really thinking about it. The physical connection is there, but I don't know whether it's a matter of not having the emotional, or me not wanting to extend that part of myself out. Just putting into practice the whole summer of James attitude: going out and being, enjoying myself and not worrying about the past, doing what it is that I want, taking chances I may not have previously and just experiencing and in this case doing so with the experienced. I figured I'd have things go my way at some point, just wasn't expecting it so soon or in this form. : )

You're Not That Important

2007-05-09T19:30:00.000-05:00

There are so many reasons out there to make fun of or even dislike some Americans. For starters, their president, the other day, made a slip and almost stated to her face, that Queen Elizabeth was 230 years old... Hey they voted for him and must be sooooo proud. In some cases, I wonder if it's ignorance or hubris or some rank combination of them both.

For the purpose of this blurb, I'll take the hubristic approach. If the rest of the common sense world could act as a deity, the open defiance wrought forth by the United Shame of America could be attributed as the main reason, why they are as Greek tragedy would suggest, considered a nemesis.

At the beginning of the year, there was a situation that arose from a confidential report filed by U.S. army contractors stating they believed they had been spied on and potentially had some confidential conversations compromised by get ready for this, CANADIANS... Yes, we of the beaver, maple syrup and iglood persuasion. The contractors found suspicious coins in their rental vehicles which they believed to have embedded nano-technology that may have been used to track them... Seriously.

What they thought were spy coins were actually 25 cent pieces, just as pictured above. The nano-technology they were referring to was the textured impression in the centre of the coin and the coated layering applied to the face of the coin to preserve the colour. The coin was a commemorative piece featuring the poppy flower, Canada's symbol of tribute to its fallen soldiers.

They were so concerned with these strange coins that they filed a highly classified report detailing their concerns. Somehow, this report made it through screening and a warning concerning the open circulation of these espionage coins was actually issued by the federal department in charge with aggressively pissing off the rest of the world!

Really, why would we take the time to plant a device that could freely be mistaken and used as common currency?!?!? We're not that sinister or evil a nation to do something dastardly like that. We're Canadians for crying out loud. People love us.

And besides, what harm could a little beaver do to compromise a man? ; )

A 5 Point Post

2007-05-04T02:40:00.000-05:00

The good: As much as some of you (eve) out there hate it, I have to say that I am a total convert and a fan of the world of Facebook. I recently sat down for a pitcher with my friend Megan from uni who I unfortunately lost touch with about 6 or 7 years ago. I first met her in our first year. She lived down the hall from my another one of my exes. She had this poster which completely distracted me. Now that's not hard to do on a normal day, but this became an obsession. It got to the point where she'd leave for class and be fine with me sitting in her room staring at the damn poster trying to find the matching pair. After 2'nd year, I lost her phone number and didn't have her e-mail address so I was rather mad at myself for that. I'd thought about how she was over the years and just caught up via facebook. Was really great in that we picked it right up after the years as though it was last week.

The bad: People that say damaging things to others when they know exactly how hurtful their words will be. It's something we're taught as kids that is bad: Don't say damning and painful things to people. Perhaps we shouldn't teach that lesson anymore so kids don't learn to do it knowing how bad it can be. In a moment of instant gratification of sadistic evil, a person can totally ruin someone else's day and affect their very being. I myself have not been subjected to this of late, but I have seen it and I disturbed enough about it to give it 1 of the 5 pts. Boooooooo on mean people, they suck.

The funny: Yet another family tale... It had been some time since Ali, Jeff, mom and I were able to sit down to have a meal together. It's truely a comical affair on an average night in our house and we have left many an un-warned visitor horribly scarred from the experience. The other night, as were were putting the wraps on a great din din, my mom stopped the meal suddenly to ask if we knew that grandma had fallen. Most NORMAL families would have dropped everything and asked with a high degree of concern what had happened. Mine... well, it didn't exactly go like that.

mom, "Did you guys hear...?"

Ali, "No we didn't."

me, "Why, what happened, did Kung Kung (grandpa) push her over?"

Jeff... uncontrollable laughter while trying not to launch his dinner forth.

mom, "Well, not exactly"

all of us, "ha ha ha ha ha ha"

Mom proceeded to then tell the actual story. We're all going to hell.

The sad: In the very near future an expedition will be made to Mt. Everest or as this segment will go on to tell Mt. Ever Rest. 9 years ago, Francys Arsentiev became the first woman to ever climb the mountain without the aid of supplemental oxygen. A mere 800 meters into her decent, something happened which caused her to either collapse or fall. As her expedition reached her, they found her to have no mobility. 28,000 feet from the base and after exhausting all options, the others had no choice but to leave her behind. By the time another team went back the next morning, Francys had succumbed to her injuries and the cold. An effort to retrieve her body at the time would have been too treacherous to attempt and none has been made since, so her body wrapped in her purple coat has remained, well within sight of any visitor to Everest. One of the climbers who was with her 9 years ago, Ian Woodall is returning now to bury the friend he had to leave behind. This is the last expedition he will undertake and he hopes to be able to bury 2 other climbers who have lost their lives on the mountain. Godspeed.

The down right odd: Japan's growing income gap means the working poor are not only flipping burgers to make a living, they're also buying them so they've got somewhere to live, turning them into "McRefugees". Part-time workers and day laborers have found cheap alternatives to renting apartments in the form of Internet cafes, or saunas where they could spend the night for just a few thousand yen. An increasing number of working poor are turning to the growing number of fast food restaurants operating 24 hours so they've got somewhere to stay overnight. These people are being called "McRefugees" after McDonald's, the fast food chain providing many of them with their homes. With a burger costing as little as 80 yen and a coffee costing 100 yen, an overnight stay can cost less than 200 yen. Internet cafes are another option, but with time costing money, only a small percentage of the McRegugees can afford the rent.

As explained by a local economist, "They're people who probably have a tad more money than those living on the streets, but not enough money to allow them to change their lives. It costs about 400,000 yen to 500,000 yen to rent out an apartment, so people who can't afford to do that become Net Cafe Refugees, Sauna Refugees and, now McRefugees. The vast majority of them are not full time staff and are probably only making about 1 million yen a year at most. For these people, 500,000 yen is an enormous sum of money."

Snagged By The Web Again

2007-04-30T18:00:00.000-05:00

So you've gotta love it when you try to move on from a person, an event or both when you come across something that brings you right back into what you've been trying to move on from. Case in point, this past Thursday, I was out with the folks from work enjoying a much needed end of shift soiree. More than a few pints were put back and the jovial state was not confined to my being.

At the end of the night, we were saying our goodbye and goodnights when I saw someone crossing the road that looked very familiar to me. Turns out he was my ex's roommate's ex boyfriend. Ok, you caught up there? We always got on well so it was only natural to sit down and have a drink with him. I knew he was still in contact with his ex, who is traveling with my ex down in Australia so I tried for a while not to talk about her. I figure that I've spent enough of the last year thinking about her that I didn't need to dwell anymore.

As it turns out, the conversation inevitably turned to Jeannie (mine) and Lauren (his). He asked if I had spoken to Jeannie at all and I told him that I had a few weeks ago, but beyond that not that much at all. I explained that after we broke up we'd kept the conversations light hearted and civil, but limited and that I hadn't even seen her since the night we broke up. Just let her go and not be up in her face with it all. Hard but right thing to do, you know... It's not to say that I didn't think about or want to talk to her, but anyway...

Without much preparation, or warning, Dave let drop that she'd started seeing another guy after she and I had broken up. Let me go back a few and just say that Dave is of the very cool dude variety; think surfer or Michelangelo from TMNT. So when he said, "Yeah Jeannie started seeing another guy named Mike (something or another) eh? You were totally the rebound guy.", it knocked me back a few.

I wasn't completely mad at him for doing so. He meant no harm by it but needless to say it caught me rather off guard. It was something that I realized was a possibility, but I took her on her word for her reasons for breaking up: not wanting the commitment when she went on her travels, and not knowing if she'd be in the same city as me to live or work before she left. I just thought it might have taken a while longer than it did. So hearing that she’d started seeing a friend of his made me feel just a little stupid and insignificant. I knew the possibility existed and I even had my suspicions at some points, but I didn’t really want to accept it.

That moment was brief though, and I quickly put it to the back of my mind. I am going about things these days with a new approach and attitude and there isn’t much time allotted to wallowing in self-pity. After all, what right did I have to expect her to stay single at least until she left? Any and all reasons would be personal and selfish, the designs of which would have only been for the preservation of a bruised ego and broken heart. I guess it’s something I’ll deal with down the road, but by then who knows, there may not be anything I’ll remember to deal with.

Name Change Candidate

2007-04-25T19:30:00.000-05:00

Sometimes you know you're just not meant to win. It's just too bad this guy is always going to lose in the game of life.

The Things We Do

2007-04-23T00:02:00.000-05:00

On the way home a few days ago, I ended up taking the same train home as my sister. When we got to our stop, she challenged me to a race to the station doors to avoid the slow walkers as they exited the train.

" I'll race you."

"Where?"

"To the door, I hate getting herded like cattle by all the slow people when they get out of the train."

"Are you serious?"

"Yes."

"Really?"

"Oh yeah."

Oh dear...

Nevermind the fact that we are what society considers adults having this conversation, it was done aloud and on a crowded train. There was also a cute girl in a smart business outfit who was rather amused with our antics. I don't think she thought we were actually going to do it, but she obviously doesn't know my family.

The business class and rush hour deadheads don't have much personality going on at 6 in the evening so needless to say it was essential that we got ahead of them in the effort to exit the station platform without being swallowed up in a massive void.

The doors open and damn it all if Ali doesn't bolt as if there was TV with America's next top model playing on it at the end of the platform. I was clearly in for a challenge to get to the door ahead of time. Let me also add that we were dressed somewhat respectably as well, her for work, and me for court so that must have added to the bewilderment we caused running for the doors.

Ali darted to the right and I thought I had a good path with a few zig zags along the way. A HA!!! I had it, the door was just ahead when damn it all, old Grandma Nettles decides to do a zig of her own. A full zig zag combo may have broken her hip, which coincidentally is what I almost did when she and I met...

We all joke when in our cars, about collecting points for running old people over at the stop light. (don't try and hide behind your screens and deny it) It just seems so funny and totally acceptable when you're in a car...

Oh why couldn't have I been in a car?

Oops

2007-04-18T12:40:00.001-05:00

Seems like the comments feature was turned off for the last 5 Point Post. That problem has been fixed for your commenting pleasure.

A 5 Point Post

2007-04-18T12:40:00.000-05:00

The good: The amazing house and crazy hat party held at Amy's on Friday night followed up by another solid night out at the Green Room on Saturday. It was so good to see so many good people, Tom, Steve, Lori, Chloe, Carolyn, Tristan, that I haven't seen in a while and meeting a few new ones. For some it's been months and others years. It's funny that the older we get, the more we stay the same in some senses. Kinda blew my mind that it's been 8 years since I got to meet some of these cool cats for the first time. You can't beat good people.

The bad: The stupid mother fu*#er who stole one of the hats that I brought to Amy's party. I had brought a rice paddy hat as well as a very nice and very real British Bobby Helmet. It was a gift that was given to me by members of the South Wales Police Rugby Team when they visited Canada last year. It had been making its rounds throughout the party and had been enjoyed by many of the party goers throughout the evening but towards the end, it went missing. There were a few people that showed up late and who happened to leave before the main group as well. I will never know who stole it for sure, but rest assured if I ever find out, bad things would most likely happen to them. The worst part of it is that someone that was invited to Amy's stole from her house and made her feel guilty for my loss. Big time booooooooo to the jackass that put a damper on a great evening.

The funny: Earlier today while walking around the Home Show with a co-worker, I was passing a cooking display where live demonstrations were going on. There was a clear sign warning visitors not to touch the display. I know it meant not to touch any of the potentially hot items in use, but there was one guy who decided to touch a glass jar on the table. I had to walk away to avoid laughing out loud when he recoiled slightly after getting an electric shock. I asked my friend if he'd seen it and it became funnier when he started to laugh and nod his head. Later on while I was watching C.S.I. Miami, I couldn't help but laugh when the show took a very obvious shot at poor Miss Britney Spears. The show was about a murder which took place at a rehab centre. At the end of the show, as the main characters had their story lines wrap up, the news reports started up on a story about a pop star who had just checked herself into the centre. As they zoomed in on her, she proceeded to snort some coke she'd hidden in her hair and then the show ends with her shaving said hair off. Snicker snicker snicker.

The sad: Today another school shooting took place where 33 people were killed. What does the N.R.A. have to say about this one I wonder.

The down right odd: Japan's leading toilet maker Toto is offering free repairs for 180,000 bidet toilets after wiring problems caused several to catch fire. The electric bidet accessory of Toto's Z series caught fire in three incidents between March 2006 and March 2007, according to company spokeswoman Emi Tanaka. The bidet sent up smoke in 26 other incidents, the company said. "Fortunately, nobody was using the toilets when the fire broke out and there were no injuries," Tanaka said. "The fire would have been just under your buttocks." The company will repair 180,000 toilet units manufactured between May 1996 and December 2001 for free, she said. A manufacturing defect is thought to have led to the faulty wiring. Toto has been a pioneer in high-tech toilets fitted with pressurized water sprayers — a standard fixture in Japanese homes. The popular Z series features a pulsating massage spray, a power dryer, built-in-the-bowl deodorizing filter, the "Tornado Wash" flush and a lid that opens and closes automatically. Prices range from $1,680 to $2,600.

The model is not sold overseas. (Thankfully)

Ho Hum

2007-04-10T21:20:00.000-05:00

I love my mom. She's an amazing little (stature wise) woman who has the right words at the right times. There are times though where it becomes clear that she wasn't born here, nor keeps up with modern day slang as evidenced by the following conversation. As some of you may know there were a few racist comments made recently by a radio personality regarding members of a women's basketball team. The following is the conversation my mom and sister had with my mom trying to understand what this man was apologizing for. : )

mom says:

by the way do you know about the racist comment on Rutgers basketball team by Mr. Imus?

mom says:

what is "hoe" (?) the word used by Mr. Imus?

Alison says:

no i didn't hear what he said but i heard he got suspended

mom says:

what does 'nappy-headed ho' mean?

I love my family.

Facebook: The E-World's New Crack.

2007-04-06T00:10:00.000-05:00

So Facebook...

How the hell did this happen AGAIN?!?! How is it that there's something more addictive than crack, yet it costs nothing and isn't physically bad for your health? (debate now opened)

Ok, there is all the wasted time, lost productivity, missed sleep, delayed assignments, forgotten conversations, vitamin D depletion, but on the other hand, there are great new ways to catch up easily with friends, re-connect with people long lost, or never expected to be heard from again. Hell, even people that I never thought I'd see on a site like that are diving right in to the thick of things. You know who you are. There are people still holding out, but you'll give in eventually. You also know who you are.

While MySpace had it's blip on the map in the sporting year 2005/2006, Facebook is spreading like wildfire and leaving MySpace a barren, burnt wasteland. It's actually kinda interesting to see the progression. I have recently been swept up in the tidal wave and now find myself completely immersed in its practices: posting notes and photos, writing on walls, messaging and yes, even being poked and poking back. Such devilish fun this poking business can be. I'm sure though, that there are some people out there that wish there could be a different type of poking that could be facilitated by this web page which brings me to the next point.

On MySpace, one of the things that made me pretty much swear off it was the complete randomness of some of the people on there. I can not begin to count the number of crappy emo-screamo-pee my pantso-cry myself to sleepo-never gonna get a real record dealo bands who wanted to add them to my friend list, not to mention the friendwhores who wanted me to boost their friend counts. Having said that, I am mildly alarmed by my friend count on Facebook already. But I digress, On the former, you could randomly look up anything on any given person's page. At least on the latter, you have to be granted access to do any of that or at least I thought you did...

Turns out "creeping" is possible. I was introduced to this term by my sister and her friend Lori. I thought you had to have a direct link to someone in order to view their page, but NOOOOO, not the case as they told me with almost demonic glee. Coming from girls, I should not have been surprised by their joy, but it alarmed me slightly, that these two young women with their heads screwed on relatively straight could freely banter about the joys of creeping. Turns out there are people out there with whom you have absolutely no connection to but you can view their pages as if you were their friend. That prospect is MySpace kinda scary, but at least it hasn't happened to me yet, not that I'd be able to tell, but no random adds yet.

The temptation must be there at least at some point for all of us to want to entertain the inner creep. I've seen that 2 of my exes are on there, but thankfully we're not accessible to each other. Then there's the whole matter of seeing friends of your friends and just losing yourself and wasting even more time checking them out. Surely this craze will be the focus of phenomenology at some point down the line, but for now off to feed the addiction... : P

Glad I Don't Go To Middle School Anymore.

2007-04-03T21:50:00.000-05:00

Today I read a story of a middle school principal who had been charged for flinging a piece of fecal matter at one of her students. I've heard of monkeys flinging poo, cause I guess that's just what they do. For a human being to do that is another thing. Drunken university mis-adventures aside, this isn't typical behaviour for us. For an adult to do it is bad enough, but for the head of an educational institution to do it and victimise a child is a whole other pile of...

Yeah so... It should be noted that this principal is the sister of a prominent local politician. So the citizens of spin city have been hard at work and get this... the principal has been portrayed in the local media as the VICTIM of all of this fall out. "She's gone through enough already" one of the quotes said. She has suffered enough and it has all been tragic, according to her lawyer. I wonder if her brother wasn't the deputy mayor how this all would have been played out. They say she snapped... How does a principal of a junior school get that worked up that she snaps in the first place?

Between teachers sleeping with their students and principals now flinging turds, I'm wondering if my ideal situation of finding a nice education professional to date is in need of an update.

Caught In A Web The Spider Left Behind

2007-03-29T02:50:00.000-05:00

I gave her my heart, take it she (w)could not.
Wondering if I hadn’t, what fate may have brought.
Circumstance cut us down.
Thoughts of her I try to drown
Out my mind as has often been the case,
My own reflection I avoid to try and save face.
The world I would have given,
Cruel reality, my world has taken.
Reminded each day of what once was,
Fond memories mask some of our hidden flaws.
Move on I try yet still she remains,
I hated and hardened with contempt and disdain.
For why had I fallen with nothing to hold?
My hands searched deep finding only fool’s gold.
The anger, a façade lasting but a few days,
Set forth on a new path to find a better way.
So let go of her I did with nary another sight,
Looking from afar as her wings took flight.
It stops me dead to know I may not have mattered
Dwell on it I won’t, lest my mind get tattered.
I am a better man through my time with her,
That feeling I’ll know again in the future.
Though further away with each new smile I meet,
Every time I see her name my heart still skips a beat.

Off My Chest

2007-03-26T22:20:00.000-05:00

Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

There are a precious few things bugging me these days. I've recently admitted to myself that I've made a few mistakes in the last year and have started about resolving those things. So in that regard, my head is starting to get into a good place. I've been working hard and so have most of the other guys and girl on my shift. There is one person though that has to do their best to ruin that flow and this is my gripe about him.

I'll save the name so identifiers are not put out there. Last night we were pretty busy on the job. There was a lot going on and not all of us were available to help out when it got really busy. This individual and one of the rookies were free as an special project unit. The understanding is that if you're on that detail and it gets busy, you're obliged to help out and take a call. Well in his world that doesn't apply to him.

Problem is when he first got on the job he knew a lot of people in our station already so he became very comfortable too quickly. He doesn't pull too much stuff with guys that have been on for a while and have more experience than he does. Problem is of late that he's been partnered up with someone with less experience than he does. Mind you he's barely over probation himself but he's acting like he's got way more experience than he does.

What he did last night was completely un-professional and set a bad example for the new guy. While he was no good at doing any work what so ever, the only thing he was successful in accomplishing last night was pissing off everyone else he works with. There were literally emergency situations happening with only one person going to deal with it yet he sat idly by not jumping on the situation and offering to help. The new guys were even commenting that it seemed odd that he wasn't offering lend a hand and it was more than noticed by the rest of us...

Now we have to find a way to deal with him... Grumble Grumble Grumble...

A 5 Point Post

2007-03-23T09:30:00.000-05:00

The good: As much as I was happy to have the snow a few 5 pts ago, I'm happy that spring is starting to poke its head out of the clouds. My baby, or as I like to refer to her, the only lady over the last few years to stick by me, has been pent up inside for the winter and she wants out. It'll be nice to take her out and pamper her again with road trips with scenic lake front stops and visits to our favourite coffee and dessert cafe. After all it's not all the time that both of you go through something where one or both could, and quite possibly should have died and made it through even more devoted to one another. : )

The bad: What's going on with teachers sleeping with their students these days? In recent weeks I have heard of at least 3 or 4 teachers getting caught for their trysts and having the law step in to sort them out. At first I thought this was an American phenomenon starting off with Mary Kay Letourneau and her student husband but it has transcended boarders with a teacher here in Toronto 7 months pregnant with her student's baby. The second part of this is that of the teachers that have made the news lately, they have been all female teachers. And with some of the photos, they appear to be educated, good looking women as well. I don't know if their looks have anything to do with it, but it is a peculiar point of interest. Secondly, I am not naive enough to believe that it's only female teachers sleeping with their students. I know male teachers have done the same with their female students but for whatever reason, and feel free to opine on the matter, they don't find their names in the news.

The funny and in this case, wise: I was sitting down with my grandfather yesterday afternoon watching a little television and enjoying a meal when we got to talking about the lottery. Yesterday night's lottery was worth 20 million dollars and the dreams and hallucinations quickly started on my end. After all, there is pretty much nothing you can not do when you've got 20 mil at your disposal. As he filled out his ticket slip, Grampa or Kung Kung as we call him in Chinese, asked me if I'd bought my tickets yet. He did so while handing me my own lotto slip to fill out. As I started to fill out my slip, he said to me, "wait, we share our tickets and go 50 / 50. 20 million is too much money for a young guy like you and 20 million is too much for an old guy like me". I guess he figured that I might waste it and he wouldn't be able to spend it all. I guess you would have had to have been there to get the full feel of it, but the wisdom runs deep within him I tells ya.

The sad: The war in the Middle East has hit a new low, at least in my opinion. The Americans need to leave there as soon as possible. The war is one that should have never happened and its conclusion now seems even farther away than ever with the commitment of even more troops to the region, especially in Iraq. On the flip side, these "insurgents" that have been labeled as the enemy are reaching new despicable lows in their own rights. It is now practice to use (sacrifice) innocent children as decoys to get past security checks into guarded areas. Once in, the adults park the car close to their intended targets and then run from it, leaving the children inside the car as the explosives are detonated. This insanity has got to end some time.

The down right odd: Officials have tried poison, gassing and euthanasia to control a breeding frenzy among squirrels in a city park in Santa Monica. Now, they plan to give birth control a shot. Under a new program to start this summer, squirrels in Palisades Park will be injected with an immuno-contraceptive vaccine to stunt their sexual development. The intention is not to kill them if needs not be, but parks staff also have to be receptive to the county's concerns. Health officials say the squirrels, which number about 1,000 in the park, pose a public health risk. They warn that the rodents are aggressive and may carry rabies or host fleas that can spread disease, such as bubonic plague. Since 1998, Santa Monica has been cited five times by Los Angeles County for squirrel overpopulation. But the suppression methods it has used, including euthanasia, have angered animal-loving activists.

City officials say the infertility shots offer a diplomatic solution. The vaccine, developed by the U.S. Department of Agriculture, stops ovulation and lactation in female squirrels, and testicular development in males. The shots, running $2 to $10, have no side effects such as swelling, cited a USDA wildlife biologist.

A local animal activist supports the vaccine program but believes any health risk posed by the squirrels is overblown. "There is not a pressing threat of squirrels attacking people, so I don't know why the county is getting their panties in a bunch."

Stuck In The Middle Am I

2007-03-18T03:50:00.000-05:00

I write this amidst 2 MSN conversations taking place with two people in very different parts of the world, each of them with very different stories to tell. On one hand, I had my friend Sandy who was catching me up with the news from Indonesia. On the other was Lucy-Sarah, a Briton on loan to us, situated out in BC.

Sandy and I hadn't caught up with each other in a few months and he was happy to tell me that he'd been accepted into an MBA program and was busy with work and study but was very excited about his successes. I was very happy to share the news with him while chatting about our friends that we'd made from our trip to China in 2001.

In the other chat window, L-S responded to my, "how was your night" question with something less than a cheery St. Patty's message. She said that she was feeling really shitty. I just assumed that she'd had too much to drink and was just feeling a touch off kilter so I asked her why that was. I expected a drunken-dramatic tale, but was rather floored when she replied, "I just had one of my friends hit by a car and then run over by a truck and die. I also have another friend who thinks that it's somehow her fault".

It all of a sudden became very easy to temper the great news Sandy had shared with the devastation that had just been brought upon L-S's life. Yet here I was, a split persona trying to focus my whole self to each person . I was literally torn and ever so mindful not to get my message boxes mixed up... That's been done before, but the circumstances would have made that a massive faux pas.

I felt joyed and useless at the same time. Worlds so far apart yet brought together in an instant over the net and then with a signed off connection, gone. Almost like they both never happened. Each not knowing what the other had just shared with me and me feeling quite bewildered. So instead of dwelling, I started to write a letter that was almost a decade in waiting.

Has Anyone Tried To Pick You Up Lately?

2007-03-14T04:00:00.000-05:00

This post was inspired by Princess Pointful. In her last post she mentioned pick up attempts and the failures that came along with them. She invited stories of our own experiences in failure which made me remember one such incident many years ago in Atlanta.

Tom (S'Mat) and I were down in Peachland USA visiting with his dad and step mother. One of the first nights that we were down there, Tom's dad and Uncle Mike (the coolest 18 year old living in a mid 50's body) took us out to a local bar. Keep in mind now that we were only about 16 or 17 at the time and therefore too young to even drink legally in Canada... Yet somehow we were permitted entry into a somewhat decent bar in Atlanta. After trying to not giggle ourselves silly on how we'd managed to pass for at least 5 years older, we settled in.

Now for the ladies out there who have always wondered. Yes, Tom has always been good with women and especially those of the stunning variety. So it was no surprise to me then that he started up with one of the waitresses in the bar. I believe her name was Sarah and she was I think 24, placing her at least 7 or 8 years older than us. After the night was through he had her number and a date was arranged. Skipping the details of that, I found myself out for another night in Atlanta a few days later.

Having to dress the part of an older college man or something of that sort, I found myself wingmanning outside of an establishment while Tom and Sarah put the wraps on their date. As I waited, trying to figure out how I'd ended up in my situation, a ratty little compact pulled up beside me on the roadway. Inside the car was what appeared to be a woman. To this day, I'm not that sure of that. It wasn't her that I noticed first though... The car was a clunker to put it mildly and to add to it's charm, there was no front seat and what appeared to be some sort of throw rug in the back. The spectacle of that alone is worthy of a post, but even in typed form, this description does it no justice.

Julia Roberts in Pretty Woman, this lady was not. I was taken aback by who or what this person was stopping to talk to me on the side of the road but one look at the shag rug in the back tipped me off that she may have been in fact a hooker. When she managed to blow a bubble while still speaking to me, I figured she was all business. Being barely old enough to have watched and appreciated Pretty Woman, what was happening to me completely went against how I thought John and hooker interactions were supposed to go. Either that or she thought I was an imported gigolo and had some sort of yellow fever going on.

After being visually stunned by the car itself and the oddity behind the wheel, I gathered myself to listen to what she was saying to me. So while she was blowing (ha ha ha... perverts) a bubble mid speech, she asked me if I wanted to go for a ride and have some fun. I found the whole situation completely ridiculous and did my best to not laugh outright infront of her. I politely declined and I think walked and then ran away.

A short while later, Tom and I were on our way back home to his dad's. I was driving with my trusty learner's permit which fooled the Americans and Tom and I were detailing the events of the date and my near sexual abduction. As the details were bantered back and forth we made our way back into the sub-division when all of a sudden Tom's eyes went golf ball in size and he points out the front of the car and shouts, "RED LIGHT!!!". I don't think I've ever hit the brakes that hard in my life. The Tercel or whatever we were driving at the time didn't exactly have carbon fibre braking power of your typical Formula 1 or Nascar racer and we proceeded to skid right through the intersection from pretty much one stop line to the next.

I am happy to say though, that those were the only skid marks left behind from that night's collective near mis-adventures.

Dear Ann Coulter...

2007-03-07T15:10:00.000-05:00

I haven't really read much of what Ann Coulter has written, but I have heard enough out of her mouth to know that she is a very odd and dare I say, troubled woman. I feel bad that she is actually regarded by some out there as a champion of some sort of cause. In the world of common sense where a lot of my friends and family live, we can't seem to understand that cause so I will not waste any grey matter attempting to do so. Henry Rollins, if it can be believed, is far more eloquent in his face slapping and gives Ann a pretty good one here in the video above. Enjoy.

Oh and if someone wants to bet her any amount of money that Canada did not send any troops to Vietnam, she'll take it because she thinks we did. Wow.

If Everything Were Easy...

2007-03-07T01:50:00.000-05:00

Have you ever sat down and tried to write something meaningful and have it come out a broken toilet's load of crap? Ok, that in and of itself was rather er... shitty, but I digress. So many things to think about... Should I worry about the person I'm writing about reading this? Should I worry about what people reading it will think about me or the person I'm writing about?

*Wow, I just saw a maxi pad commercial where the tag line was "Have a happy period". *
REALLY!!!???!!!???

The rawness of it all goes down a few layers despite my best attempts to outwardly portray it as a superficial knick. Everytime I start up on it, I run away from it like a coward facing the truth. So here's to hoping I get it right the next time I try, lest I end up pulling a Homer.

: )

A 5 Point Post

2007-03-04T23:50:00.000-05:00

The good: Family, specifically the one I have the honour to call my own. Yes, we fight, we yell and we scream but someone has to pass the beans at the dinner table... :) This weekend, we rallied around one of our members after a sad event in their life. Nothing like being relied upon to be the shoulder or leg to cry on. We may all be different in our own little ways but when it matters most we're the first in line to back one another up. Un-conditional commitment like that makes all the bickering and silliness worth it and the closeness is indeed priceless.

The bad: Microsoft Corporation and in particular their XBox 360 support and technical team. Our console has not been working since before Christmas and all Microsoft had to do was sent a Purolator box to us so we could send it back to them to fix. Well that only took 5 calls to their customer service centre and almost 2 and a half months before it happened. I was promised a lot by some of the managers I spoke to and those turned out to be lies. Boooooo to lies. I think they taped some of my calls so hopefully those get used for training purposes and I was very polite with my daggers, enough so that they at least promised to send me a free game for my trouble.

The funny, in this case kinda cute: I went to visit my old grade 4 teacher the other day. I was last in her class about 17 years ago and she was one of my favourite teachers. I took some time out of my lunch and borrowed a half hour from the city's budget to go see her. It'd been ages since I was last at the school and I think the last time I saw her was before high school. When she came in with the kids from recess, she saw me in full uniform and she recognized me right away. She gave me a big hug and we caught up. I ended up joining her in the classroom and had an impromptu Q&A session. One kid couldn't quite grasp the Q part of that and told me stories about the time he went to the fire hall and the firefighters had to run out because of a call and their trucks. Mrs. Henderson cut him off there and told him to tell the stories to the class later, but to stick to questions for me. When it was his turn next, he proceeded to tell us all about his uncle who was a police officer for another service and the cool car he had to drive. Mrs. H. was again gracious in reminding him that it was question time. By the third time she'd clearly run out of patience and cut him off with, "Do you actually have a question this time or another story?". He had a funny look on his face that I almost laughed at but had to remind myself he was only in grade 3.

The sad: I actually don't have anything really sad. I could talk about the ex or the girl I was dating recently who I just found out via facebook was already in a relationship but I won't. Instead I'll comment on how sad it was that I wasn't able to include all of the pictures from my afternoon with my grandma. It's really too bad that I am making you work to see the rest of the hilarity that took place. It was a riot. She's 86 and she can still school me and here's the proof.

The down right odd: Shabu Shabu Shomuni is a Japanese hot-pot restaurant, but it serves more than just beef and vegetables. Named after a manga comic book and a short-lived '90s TV show about six Japanese "office ladies," Shomuni features an all-you-can-eat, all-you-can-drink menu served by 15 costumed waitresses who start off dressed like receptionists and end up handcuffing patrons to their tables in sexy police uniforms. Shomuni is the latest addition to a growing number of fetish restaurants sprouting up around Tokyo where geeks are finally able to live out their fantasies of being gawked at and served by pretty, submissive girls for a small fee. At Shomuni you can find servers that give raw strip teases to dining customers. With hand mirrors and binoculars at their disposal, the customers can ask the waitresses to mix them a cocktail, feed them beef from their hands, or strip down to their underwear and change into a cosplay outfit of their choice.

At 5,000 yen (about $40) an hour, the cost of eating here is not that different from any other all-you-can-eat restaurant in the bustling Shibuya district. But the mouth-watering effect it has on geeks is incomparable.

Cute, Cheezy And Random

2007-02-21T02:30:00.000-05:00

Ha ha, this could even be an add on Craigslist...

So I was recently thinking about a girl who I met many years ago during a trip to Orlando. Her name was Jaime Carter. My family was staying at a resort called Orange Lake Country Club (how posh) and there were always tonnes of kids running around the place so it was easy for the younger folks to meet new friends all the time. I can't remember how old I was exactly but I put the number perhaps around 16.

There was a group of girls from Wisconsin and a cool kid from Buffalo and we all hung out pretty much every night that we were there. The attention getter of the group was named Jean. (perhaps that's when the seed for the fondness of that name was planted but more on that in another post) The girl I liked to spend time with was Jaime. From what I remember, she was a year or gasp, even 2 older than me. She was rather pretty in her own right, but kinda more quiet and grounded than some of the other girls.

We hung out during the afternoons and I even remember spending an evening just chatting in her villa and then out under the stars while most of the rest of our group was busy making out with each other. Yeah, they made out, we talked... moving on. We ended up doing the pen pal thing through part of my senior year in high school. She sent me a few pictures which caught the eye of some of my house mates. No they weren't those kind of pictures. Though at that age, that would have been a nice ego booster. Wait we're men, that applies to any age.

Eventually we lost touch and familiarity become more of a warm and nice memory. I'd think about her now and again over the course of the last 10 years. Cripes, 10 years already... We never heard from each other though. Then tonight as I was packing my hockey bag for a game, I picked up an old journal and I found a couple of pictures within the pages which were facing each other. I pulled them out and apart and who should I see but the lovely Miss Carter in a cute skirt and the classic 90s girl's cut with the bangs and in the other a group shot of her family.

That brought a fun smile to my face as I remembered the first time that I got those photos. I wonder now though what happened to the one that got all the guys talking... Hmmmm. At any rate I used to have her address but I guess one of the reasons that I stopped writing her was because I lost it. I kept the letters somewhere, but she had her address on these little yellow bird stickers that she'd stick on the letters and somehow those all fell off or got lost over the years.

I recently read a post through a link from Megan's page. The post was by Dooce and it made mention of something called Sarah's Cringe Book. It made me think of some of the cheezy things I must have written to her as a love and awestruck mid-teen boy.

From that idea, I started looking for some of my old poetry and written thoughts which I made with such angst and emotion all that time ago. ; ) As I was going through a cabinet, I found a bag containing old cups and mugs which I used to dump loose change and stack pens in. I had always wondered where my beer glass from my 1993 championship hockey season had gone to and now I knew. Beyond finding busted pens and corroded batteries, I found a few souvenir coins from the Magic Kingdom. Again, that made me think of Jaime. As I'm sorting through those, a small piece of white paper, a bottom right corner to be exact, came loose.

I would have thought nothing of it, had I only seen the "Kwik Kopy Printing" tag on the back. Instead of that though, I saw the above with an un-familiar area code of 715. Curiosity got the cat and I almost locked mine in the cabinet as I closed it to check on my trusty MacBook to see where exactly the area code 715 was. Needless to say, I knew right away whose phone number I had found when the search came back.

So that's my story as of now. I still haven't decided what to do but I was thinking of maybe writing for old times' sake. For all I know she's married now, maybe even for the second time and has kids! : P Who knows. All I know is, it was fun, at least for tonight, to re-live those formative moments of the older girl with the great smile.

Any thoughts or suggestions are more than welcome on this one.

Where's YOUR pet beaver?

2007-02-18T19:50:00.000-05:00

You know, sometimes you just have to make a stereotype work for you.

Valentine's Day...

2007-02-15T17:00:00.000-05:00

Congratulations to all of us who made it through another Valentine's Day. Both for those who had people to share or get through the day with and for those who got to watch those people.

A 5 Point Post

2007-02-12T00:50:00.000-05:00

The good: My mother and her new found sense of wanderlust. My mother is an amazing little (4'11") woman. She is the main reason I've made it to the point where I am in life today. She toughed out 15 years of being a single mom to the twins and me. I'd like to think that we all turned out ok and as such have allowed mom to catch up with herself. Now she and my step-dad have seemingly been on fast forward on the catch up thing. They hit it running and have run all over the world together and just got in the door a few hours ago from a trip down to Atlanta, Nashville, bits of Kentucky and Florida. One of the first things she asks me upon her arrival home is to look up air fares to Vancouver for the end of March. This coming from a lady who is already going to Victoria, Vegas and China in May... I should have figured this was going to be the new way when she spent a couple months running around Asia last fall during which she called me one night and said, "oh by the way, we're leaving in a couple days to go to Egypt and we can't be reached while we're there. We just found a trip so we're going to go". I love how almost care free she is right now and good for her too. She fought so hard for the 3 of us so I'm happy to see her live it up. A strange and lovely vice versa this is having the kids watch their parent get out there and spread their wings.

The bad: The mayor of Toronto, Mr. David Miller. I don't know what it says about the people of Toronto that he managed to get elected again, but this man is a disaster. Of all his campaign promises a few years ago, the only on that he's managed to fulfil was to not build a bridge out to the island airport... Never mind the financial and structural promises that have gone by the wayside, nor the fact that he is not a strong supporter of the men and women that I work with. He also sits on the police service board and I honestly believe they are the only service board in the world who actually capmaign against the betterment of the people they manage... Amazing. The only serving and protecting he knows of are for his own interests so it seems.

The funny: The looks people make sometimes. I'm just thinking about the look my mother gave me when I made a glass cracking sound and pretended to break the neck of a miniature crystal guitar she had brought back from Nashville. I swear up until that point the biggest eyes I'd ever seen were from the characters in Total Recall when they got sucked out into the Martian atmosphere. When she realized I was joking she laughed, but I thought my life was over for a brief nano-second. So that inspired this little part about people and their faces when they realize something just isn't right. Sometimes the innocence of a child is just plain old cute but when you mix in innocence and hormones the results are just hilarious. The toppers in terms of emotions that bring about the best faces have to be shock and fear. Nothing like seeing that in a group of people and then trying to pick out who is getting owned the least.

The sad: My friend and co-worker Kirk and how he felt after a dream he had where I commited suicide!!! Yeah, that's pretty bleak eh?!?!? He felt terrible about it and had to tell me about it and was so genuine about how sad he felt about it. I felt so bad for him that it had affected that much but was more than happy to tell him I was ok. The second part come courtesy Mayor Miller again... Last week all the city counselors met to have their annual group photo taken. As the story goes, the mayor and his inner circle had the front row reserved exclusively for themselves and when some of their spots were taken and argeuments ensued, Miller threw a hissy fit and cancelled the whole deal. In addition, just a couple of days ago, it was announced that he had approved an over 6 million dollar renovation to some offices in city hall which included making his bigger and moving his inner circle so they could be located closer to each other... This after pandering to Parliament Hill for more federal financial assistance stating that the city was cash strapped to maintain even basic infrastructure.

The down right odd: A Chinese zoo is running a Big Brother style competition with a difference -- the contestants have to live in a monkey enclosure. Six people will live with the monkeys in the zoo in the northwestern province of Shaanxi to experience the lack of freedom the animals have. The last person remaining will win 11,888 yuan ($1,534) and title of honorary animal lover. There is hopefully no literal implication in the title... It is the first such activity in China, and any Chinese National from 18 to 60 years of age, in good psychological condition with wild animal protection and survival knowledge may participate. Nevermind being in good physical condition, the first requirement is being in good psychological condition!!! One would opine that the reverse would seemingly be the pre-requisite to participate. As of yet, there is no mention on whether the traditional viewing audience will decide who gets eliminated or if the laws of the jungle will take over.

Bugs and Elmer

2007-02-10T04:10:00.000-05:00

We all know due to the actions of our fellow beings, the world is becoming a warmer place. We didn't need the trusty ground hogs to tell us that spring would be coming early, but could you just imagine the confusion if they'd used this furry guy instead! : )

At Least The Pug Was Keeping Guard

2007-02-08T17:30:00.000-05:00

I've always been a sucker for babies so I decided to go out and get a couple to see what it'd be like to have a couple of my own... Presenting babies Dylan and Rylan and Oscar The Pug. And for those of you wondering out there, no they aren't mine.

In the heady and fast times of a 20 something stuck somewhere between a career, an education, an identity crisis and figuring out the life and love thing, it's easy to get caught up and ground down. You lose touch of what makes the struggle worth it and then you get a moment like this to make the big scary world just a little bit smaller.

I don't know who pacified who in this pic here, but I guess the end result kept everyone happy. Though poor Oscar looks like he feels like he got suckered into being a part of the whole deal.

Beauty is really photoshop deep...

2007-01-31T23:40:00.000-05:00

This is why so many men and women have such warped perceptions of beauty... It's nice to stare at the nice pictures in the magazines, but really, what are we looking at? I know that this has made the rounds, but I saw it again and I felt like saying something about it so I did. Coming from a guy who has been called a "misogynistic pig" I found it immensely positive so good on Dove for getting that message out there.

On the lighter and flip side, there is also this clip to offset the above mentioned goodness.

I Think It's The One On The Right ...

2007-01-30T14:30:00.000-05:00

One of these things is not like the others,
One of these things just doesn't belong,
Can you tell which thing is not like the others
By the time I finish my song?
Did you guess which thing was not like the others?
Did you guess which thing just doesn't belong?
If you guessed this one is not like the others,
Then you're absolutely...right!

A 5 Point Post

2007-01-28T14:30:00.000-05:00

The good: The snow is back and I'm completely happy for it. As a purist, winter just isn't the same without it. A pardon on my behalf for any southerners out there. I can finally go snowboarding, when work and school don't get in the way. The snow just makes the days a little brighter too in that it helps dispel the grey and gloom. Finally it's also a sign that global warming hasn't completely warped the climate.

The bad: President George W. Bush. That alone should be enough to fill the bad part of this post but there is unfortunately more to mention. The war in Iraq is a massive failure. I support the men and women over there, but their mission or lack of clear purpose there is dis-heartening. Now it seems as though the mistakes of the past have been ignored and the rhetoric is repeating itself. One of the latest quotables has Dubya saying of the Iranian people that "they are a proud people"... Yeah, he said that about the Iraqis too and how important it was to "protect" them... Words are one thing, but I hope actions don't repeat themselves.

The funny: When an orgasm has been achieved through sex, you can measure theta waves. These are also said to cause the "running high" feeling of euphoria experienced sometimes by marathon runners. If theta waves are taken as a criterion, the entire brain emits theta waves when women reach an orgasm that are close to 10 times stronger than when men climax. So, if theta waves are an indication of an orgasm's strength, then women experience an orgasm that is physically impossible for men to go through. Putting it a little crudely, if the intensity of a woman's orgasm was played through a man's brain, there's a danger that the shock to his system would kill him... But oh man, what a way to go.

The sad: I feel slightly disconnected from many of the things that should be important to me right now: My friends, my education, my job, my family, etc... It's not that my love and dedication for the above have diminished... I dunno, maybe it's just a point in time again where I wonder how I fit in and question my purpose in the grand scheme of things. Even in this, my words don't convey the true essence of my state. But I guess that's the crux of it eh? BLARGH!!! Oh and I just broke the screen to my cell phone... Pooh.

The down right odd: Doctors aren't able to schedule women for breast augmentation surgery as quickly as they used to. Why? Because MEN are turning to cosmetic surgery to tackle the embarrassment of “man breasts”, fuelling a near doubling in the number of people sculpting their bodies through liposuction. Surgeons have reported a surge in the number of men requesting breast-reduction operations for ‘moobs’. The boom in demand for liposuction is revealed in an audit by the British Association of Aesthetic Plastic Surgeons (BAAPS). Figures to be published this week show 4,000 operations were carried out last year, compared with 2,100 in 2005. Though women still champion the plastic surgery cause they have seen their share of the surgery scene decrease to an alarming 92%.

Weeeeeeeeeeee This Wii Is Weally Fun!!!

2007-01-23T22:40:00.000-05:00

Ok, enough of the politics for a moment. Allow me to introduce first off my mom (conveniently pictured above) and secondly our new Wii (also conveniently pictured with aforementioned mom). I was on my way to hockey tonight when my sister called me to see if I was going to be home soon for dinner. I told her I'd be home after 9 because of hockey and she said I should come home for dinner now.

I thought something was up because she doesn't usually care where I go. So I arrived home and the twins greet me at the door but don't let me in. Instead they hold out a little off white coloured controller with the little word Wii on the bottom. I had a little chuckle to myself and thought, this is going to be fun... As my brother said, The Ing family has a new member, his name is Wiinger.

Little did I know it is just as fun watching someone play as it is to play it on your own. As I type this, I can't stop but laugh every few seconds as I watch my mother (all 4'11" of her towering frame) swinging the controller about as she plays tennis. If anyone is wondering, it is very amusing watching someone so wee play the Wii.

The newest member of the family looks like its going to be a Wiinner...

btw: say the title with a Chinese accent and laugh again.

President Bush Vs. Governor Bush

2007-01-21T03:40:00.000-05:00

When you say enough to get what you need, then you are free to put on the puppet strings and get played. In as much as this is up for a laugh, it's no joke the way lives are being lost over there. I've got friends serving with the army and U.S.M.C. and I hope they're brought home soon.

I Hope I Get Better Soon...

2007-01-20T00:40:00.001-05:00

This is what I've been reduced to in my ill state. Too sick to go to work but still able to amuse the masses... Ha ha ha... Please feel free to make fun of me. : )

Oh Pooh...

2007-01-18T07:58:00.000-05:00

I don't want to be an adult today. I don't want to go to court to re-hash another domestic case. I want to stay home sick, wrapped in a blanket in front of the tele. I don't want to have to come home to read chapters of economics and psychobabble. I don't want to have to dress up to go out. I want someone to make me soup. I want to be able to have a day where I can be that kid again. (Some would argue that I'm still there) I want, I want I want.

"I understand"... (I think)

2007-01-17T01:14:00.000-05:00

Eve, this one was going to be my comment for your post... I was actually stringing a few thoughts together along the lines of understanding points of view and your piece was enough of an inspiration to get it out. The comment was a little lengthy so I let it grow legs and walk away on its own.

When we encounter a person with a problem, more often than not, we tend to look at their situation from our own point of view. The thing is, no one can really ever know what someone else is thinking or experiencing at that moment. We do this and apply our thoughts and patterns to their situations. When their words or actions seem to make no sense at all, we should realize that it just doesn't make any sense to us as we look at it from a 3'rd person's point of view.

We need to learn and accept that it all makes perfect sense to them at that point in time they find themselves in. Sometimes we try to put so much of ourselves out there we stretch ourselves too thin or overstep our limitations in perspective and accepted boundries. I have learned after removing my foot from my mouth (a continual practice) that sometimes what we feel like saying to make a situation better is actually the last thing we should say and definitely the last thing that the anguished want to hear.

"I understand"... First 2 bricks in the road to ruin paved with good intentions... They seem like a comfort that is most easily extended, but I can say after having many different combinations of tears, saliva, slamming fists, and other projectiles directed, intentionally or not, in my direction I can safely say they aren't. Unless you have been through exactly the same situation someone else is encountering, and even if you have, you should stay well clear of the 2 worded pratfall.

To avoid sounding preachy, I should say these are observations I have made over the last few years and have found the above to be mostly true but in no means are they scripture. (even then there would be debate)... If anything, saying nothing at all might be the best thing to do. There have been times when it was all going south for me and what has brought it level was just having someone there to be a sounding board to. (thanks S'Mat)

A little compassion can go a long way in helping to bridge the gap between the suffering and the able. We encounter scores of people during our daily travels and the slightest act of kindness or generosity can change the course of their day. We may not even notice what we've done or how it's affected someone else; It's worked for me. I learned that lesson a long time ago, but the scene from "ER" when Dr. Green is dying and he tells his daughter to always be generous really hit it home for me.

You're never really ever going to know exactly what someone else is going through, but if they are willing to share, take the time to listen or at the very least just accept what is going on. You may not feel like you've done much of anything, but as my friend Abdul found out, what you do or don't do can change someone for a lifetime.

The Twins

2007-01-17T00:00:00.000-05:00

Today is my brother Jeff and sister Alison's birthday. They rock my world and they make me realize that I am definitely not as cool as I sometimes think. In fact, my sister or Nos as we call her around here, takes a sick pleasure in reminding me of how un-cool I am almost on a daily basis.

Ali and I look exactly the same in our baby pictures, but thank God, the female version of us came out looking nice. The self-proclaimed most awesome person anyone will ever meet comes in a shade under 5'1" but she's got a personality that makes her at least 6'1".

Jeff often gets mistaken for me or vice versa, but as you can see, he's clearly much sharper looking than I am. His character is one that has taken some time to round out, but he's one of the most loyal and kind people I know and his friends are lucky to have him around.

I could go on, but I won't. Hell they're related to me there can't be anything but good things to say so that's all you need to know. :P

A 5 Point Post

2007-01-10T09:16:00.000-05:00

The good: My new SHURE brand earphones that just arrived in the post courtesy my brother Jeff. They are fantastic and very comfortable. Cancels all outside noise (yelling mother, Oprah, typical household anarchy) even inside noise (Johny, Frank, Bill and sometimes Scruffy). Oh yeah, makes the music sound infinitely better too.

The bad: The correctional system in our country. Based on 3 R's... Rehabilitation, Restitution, Reintegration, it more often than not churns out a slightly less than desirable 3 R's: Recidivism, Racism, Re-victimization. I see too many people arrested one day and back out a few days later doing exactly what it was they were just arrested for a few days ago…

The funny (in this case cute): My 86 year old Poh Poh, grandma for the non-Chinese audience members, telling me in-front of my date (who she just met) that her bum-bum was hurting when I asked her how she was doing. After using the kindergarten term for her posterior, she proceeded to close her eyes, pout her lips and rub her back side. Then she asked me if she should go see a doctor. : )

The sad: I still miss my little guy Pudge incredibly. He was a great, if not crude little character and S’Mat can attest to that. Anyone that knows my family could rightly claim that he was the most normal out of our whole lot. We had to say bye to him a couple of months ago now, but the sense of loss has an annoying way of remaining fresh in mind.

The down right odd: The Hisatagakuen Sasebo Girls' High School in western Japan will require a 10 minute test using chopsticks to transfer beads, marbles, dice and beans from one plate to another. To give nervous test-takers a helping hand, students will use special six-sided chopsticks, believed to be easier to wield. Surveys periodically show that Japanese worry a rising number of youngsters do not have proper chopstick skills. Some parents even buy "training chopsticks" with loops to help children learn to hold the utensils properly.

I heard though that they won't fail outright if they do well in other subjects and drop the odd sashimi slab.

2007-01-06T14:24:00.000-05:00

It's nice to see a news outlet finally reporting something accurate about George W. and his contribution, or lack there of, to his country.

Oh and if you haven't tried it yet go to Google.com and in the search line, type failure. Instead of hitting search, hit up I'm feeling lucky. Trust me, it's worth it.

Golden Days Are Here Again

2007-01-05T16:53:00.000-05:00

Well another World Junior Championship is over and thank God Canada held on and won another gold medal. Best of all, they beat the U.S. and Russians along the way to do their country proud.

To the rest of the world, this must seem completely odd how a country can get so completely behind a group of kids under the age of 20 for a hockey tournament where there is no Olympic or Stanley Cup reward upon its completion. The bars were open before the noon hour and even Chinese restaurants were showing the game on their 102" flat screens usually reserved for colour changing lyrics which are parts of chalk board screeching karaoke songs.

That's just the thing, you'd have to be Canadian to get it. It's literally become as much of a part of the holiday season as re-gifted fruit cakes and bouts of H.S.I.I. (Holiday Shopping Induced Insanity). Hell the Prime Minister even took some of his day off to watch the game today. We as a people are proud of our sons and daughters who go abroad and represent our nation.

I guess one of the more endearing parts of their story is that the team members come from 20 different cities across Canada. I think my high school had more people in it than the home town our #1 Goalie comes from and we only had 550. They go and play not for the name on the back of the jersey, instead for the one that they all have on the front. They do it for the love of the game and country. They have no contracts to oblige their appearance, no endorsement deals, just the weight of the expectations of a nation.

The team and their coaches forgo their holidays at home with their families so most of us can rally around the televisions with ours and cheer them on. Then there are the hundreds of die hards that made the trek to Northern Sweden to support the team in person. They could barely fill one end of the ice when Canada played Germany earlier this month, but of the people that were there most were in Canadian jerseys living and sharing the dream in person.

Oh Canada, gotta be it to get it I guess.

Cheated on almost...

2007-01-04T17:56:00.001-05:00

This one is a topic that I've thought about before, but last night was confronted with again... I myself haven't been the victim of an unfaithful heart, (not that I've known about anyways) but have seen first hand how devastating its actions can be. If I could wish away a few things from the existence of mankind, cheating would be one of those things... But I digress.

There may be some out there who defend the odd act of infidelity by classifying it as an act of necessity due to a faltering relationship, but really, that's just a cheap cop out. If it's that bad and detrimental, get out of it and then move on. It's easier to pick up the pieces when there aren't more bits of garbage continually falling on the pile. (I think I overheard that at some bus stop somewhere in Barcelona, though the translation may be off)...

I was saddened by a story I was told earlier yesterday. My friend Abdul told me about a very beautiful girl that he knew. She was a cousin of a friend of his. They had struck up a friendship over the last few years while she was living out in California. She had been dating a very rich investment banker and accepted his proposal for marriage. She did this in spite of words of caution and mild protest from Abdul, him having cited her reasons of financial stability and monetary happiness a pocket's worth of fool's gold. She did anyways and soon there after, found out that the man of her dreams had been cheating on her.

She was shattered and rightly so. She e-mailed Abdul in an attempt to reach out to someone that perhaps wasn't right in the epicentre of it all. She was hurt and confused and she reached out. He didn't return her e-mail, something that would have only taken 5 minutes. He didn't because he was in a tiff with that girl's cousin at the time. A short while later, he found out that the girl went to the top of her building and leaped to her death the day after she e-mailed him.

The telling of that story sobered me for the rest of the day. Later on after work at a post shift gathering where some people were less than sober I was confronted with the whole cheating pie again. Though it wasn't a clear serving, the aroma of it was clear enough to suggest something was baking. We have a new girl on our shift and she's young, attractive, very outgoing and married. One of the guys on our shift and her have struck a good chord and have an openly friendly relationship. Oh yeah, he's married and has 3 kids of his own.

To the naked eye, their interactions seem innocent enough, but as I've always said, you learn more about a person in the moments just after they are finished speaking or interacting with someone else. It's in those moments that any facade or hidden intention is revealed, if only for a split second... and I've noticed on more than one occasion just a little something extra lingering in the air after the two of them part company.

Last night at the end of the night when we were spinning the last story and winding it up, I caught (and this is where the above picture comes in) the two of them sitting in close proximity to each other. I thought I then saw hands crossing paths, their true destinations hidden under the horizon of falling table cloth. I would like to think that it was perhaps an alcoholic vision, but a millisecond "shit, I hope he doesn't see it" look from her pretty much confirmed it. I still wanted to think I was crazy but I had what I thought I saw confirmed by another co-worker who told me he had seen it as well and got a confirming nod from another one of our platoon mates to seal the debate.

I borrow this thought from Cosmo; Is emotional cheating just as bad or worse than actual act of having sexual relations with someone other than your significant other?

Holiday Hockey

2006-12-26T13:19:00.000-05:00

Well, it's time for the World Junior Tournament again... As some of you know, I'm a major puck head at the best of times but when you've got nothing but time and loads of hockey to watch look out... I also love any team that wears the red and white to represent the country so on that note GO CANADA GO!!!

First up Sweden...

Merry Christmas

2006-12-25T11:01:00.000-05:00

Hello everyone,

It's been a bit of a struggle to really get into the Christmas spirit this year... It could be due to the fact that there's been no snow here and it's been feeling a lot more like early April. I don't know what it is, but there's been something else beyond the weather. I'd like to think that it isn't life taking a hold of me and whirling me about at a pace at which I just can't keep up and feel beaten down. My only comfort comes from some of the people around here who have said the same thing that it just doesn't feel like Christmas yet... Like give us another 3 weeks and we're so there, but for now, no, not quite. Maybe it's a Toronto thing or maybe it's just an age thing as most of the aforementioned friends are around the same age as myself... Who knows? It was nice though to have all the family and friends over last night to fill the house. That was a good start to righting the spiritless ship that is the H.M.S. Indiana. Now if we could just get a little bit of snow around here then I'll be singing a different tune. : )

At any rate, Merry Christmas, Joyous Religious Celebration (take your pick) and Happy Holidays!!!

Ummm...

2006-12-06T16:43:00.000-05:00

I really don't know what to say about this...

The possibilites are endless... So I propose to all of you out there to come up with your best caption. The winner will receive something in time.

Here's the list...

1. "c'mon how could she get upset at the blind guy"

2. "Honey, how can you see with all that gal-derned hair in your fa... oh."Jason

3. "Quaid. Start the reactor Quaid. Free Mars..." Tom

For Claudia

2006-12-04T23:00:00.000-05:00

Thank You, I’m Sorry, Take Care, I Miss You, And I’ll Talk To You Later. (part 1)

2006-12-03T00:09:00.000-05:00

This is a segment of a piece that was meant to be a letter from a guy to his ex but it kinda grew gangly legs and started becoming a bit of a story...

* * * * *

To be honest, I didn’t think that I’d ever see you again after the first time. It was just a bit more than one of those coffee shop glances, or shy smile and look aways caught in the subway. Just a bit extra that left more than a feeling to muse about. You know the type, you swear those are moments meant just for you; A slice of sweet satisfaction served as just reward for the mindless suffering thoroughly documented in guest columns in Cosmo: What men really think the first time…

~ Hidden gem that magazine is really. A guy’s guide to the common sense of a woman, I know that sometimes is an oxymoron but honestly it really simplifies so much. The stigma of reading a woman’s magazine is paralyzing, but get over that and you’re almost better off than spending your time with a Maxim or FHM. More models, more lingerie ads, perfume samples (stuff you’d actually be attracted to instead of colognes where you may find yourself one day hmmming and saying aloud “I really like that smell” and then realizing you’re standing next to another man as your eyes open to your nose drawing nearer to the object of your subliminal desire) and details about women you couldn’t write into a perfect dream. ~

But I digress...

2b cont'd.

This might be a good indication...

2006-12-02T12:37:00.000-05:00

There are some days when you just know that nothing is going to go your way...

I may have missed this little cloud formation as I slept during the take off of my flight to Cuba a couple of weeks ago, but had I seen it, I would have been ready to accept my fate...

I was part of a group of 49 people going to visit Fidel Land for a nice beach-front wedding and a deserved getaway from the grind of the streets. It was supposed to be a nice sunny vacation lasting a week...

Instead, the song lyrics "A three hour tour" kept repeating themselves in my head as the week went on... 5 hours of sun over the course of the week set that feeling in stone. Alas not all was a loss... Ok, the wedding got rained out and forced indoors, but it was still a beautiful experience and the bride and groom made it through and as far as I know, they're still married 2 weeks later... They passed the Britney test.

Ok, that's the first one out of the way. Heed the weather warnings, both through the news and what you see in the sky.

Photo Dump

2006-12-02T11:36:00.000-05:00

Photo Dump

2006-02-06T23:06:00.000-05:00